A Problem Shared

Hello children. So you're back for more are you? I don't know why people keep reading this drivel, but I still enjoy writing it, so you're in luck. The pondering this week has mostly been based around my everyday life and those around me. Clearly this means that I've been pondering talking. And tea. But I don't think I could write a post about tea that anyone would willingly read.
You see, we're always told as children that a problem shared is a problem halved. But is it? What happens when the person you choose to share your problem with doesn't believe you? What if they can't solve the problem? Doesn't it just double someone else's problems? Or what if the solution they propose doesn't fit with your world view? Well, lucky for you I'm here to answer all the question you've never asked. With my own particular brand of opinionated drivel.

So let's take the first question. What if your problem is invisible? What if nobody believes the issues your having? Well, this is certainly an issue. If people can't see proof of a problem they might be unwilling to help, or they might try to convince you that nothing is wrong. This can lead to feeling like you've wasted people's time, and that your problem isn't actually a problem at all. Maybe it really is just in your head. Maybe it's not important enough to actually bother people with. Suddenly your problem is doubled, or so it seems. But why would anyone think that? If you're used to hearing things such as "Are you sure it's that bad?" or "I don't believe that's a problem," then you're not going to feel like anything is better. But maybe you've just chosen the wrong person to talk to for this problem. Find someone who believes you, or someone who will at least let you talk uninterrupted, I suppose. Last option would be a cat or something, I suppose. Maybe a tree?

OK, so you've found someone to talk to. Now what? What if they can't help you find a solution? Is there always an answer? No! Of course not! Life isn't like that, life just kind of goes off in all directions at once. But just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference to that; sometimes you can come up with ideas for the next move just by saying things out loud to another person, and sometimes they will have different ideas too. But even if you can't solve the problem between you, you've not lost anything by talking to someone, and often the small steps which can be taken to righting a wrong can't be seen from up close.
But look at what talking to someone achieves: you've reduced your stress levels, taken the baby steps and you may even have become closer to your confidante in the process. Well done you!

OK, so what now? You've talked about it, you're feeling better. Can your friend help you? Probably. Friends are good like that. But what if you don't like the answer you've been given? Well, certain arguments would suggest steaming ahead with your own plan anyway, unless you're actually going to die. Don't do that. But there is no requirement for you to listen to your friends. Anyway, who's to say your solution won't work? It's far better than having a list of "What Ifs". Sometimes you really do need to go with your gut.You can, of course, spitball all the ideas you have until you come to a compromise, but how likely is that to happen if one of you is far more invested in the issue than the other? Exactly.
But still discuss it, just in case dying really is a possibility and you've just overlooked it.

So, conclusion: Do I have one? Probably not. Do I ever have anything to say? Probably not. But my opinion is clear. TALK TO PEOPLE YOU SPANNER. If you're really having issues, of any kind, you need to talk to someone, just to make yourself more comfortable. Sometimes it just worth hearing the arguments you've had in your head out loud, so that you know how crazy you sound. Everyone needs the occasional reality check.

Thoughts on my Year Aborad

A couple of people have said that they think what I'm doing this year is really brave, or that they couldn't do it. This was never something that occurred to me, as a year abroad was part of my life plan since the age of 14 or so. But it got me thinking, nay pondering, the challenges I've actually faced this year.

To be honest, there haven't been that many that have really bothered me; obviously moving to somewhere you've never been to before and where you don't know anyone is not going to go smoothly, and there will always be difficulties and problems. But the most of these (starting a new job, moving into a new flat, speaking German all the time, and missing friends and family back home) have been manageable. The most difficult thing out of all of these was the constant German, but that got easier after a few months, and it hardly fries my brain at all now.

One of the problems that a lot of people...



Sorry, Daniel almost bought a boat. I got distracted.


One of the problems that a lot of people find when they start their year abroad is making new friends. However, I wasn't given the opportunity to be friendless, as I was so warmly welcomed to every single social event in the world ever. On my first day of work, I was invited to the cinema. A few days later, they did it again. When I moved into my new flat, my flatmate Meg introduced me to everyone and anyone she could find. The BdP (scouts) threw me into their leaders meetings and camps without a second thought, and I had to make friends from there. So you see, there was no chance of me ever being alone.

This didn't necessarily solve all my problems, however. As Matt, Daniel, or even Stevan will tell you, the biggest problem I've faced this year has been loneliness. I have amazing friends here in Braunschweig, and equally amazing friends back home in both Nottingham and Cuffley/whever they've ended up, but isolation has still been a problem. I've often felt like I have nobody to talk to about problems I've had, or even that I've not been able to tell people when I've been lonely.
Part of the problem is that I don't want to bother people. I don't want to waste their time when I know that they already spend a lot of time with me. But part of it is really that, after only a few months, you can't tell how close you are going to be with someone. What if I talked to the wrong person about what I was thinking and they thought I was being silly? What if I didn't end up staying friends with them long-term?

All of these thoughts are silly, but that's just how it was for me. Fortunately, I found a couple of people I knew I could trust, and I spoke to them. That doesn't mean I didn't annoy them or waste their time, but it means that I know I'd do the same for them. If I waste their time with my silly problems now, I and they both know that they can come to me with silly problems at a later time.

And I'm glad. Now I have excellent (if somewhat mad) friends and people that I know I'll keep in touch with well beyond the end of my few months here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're ever in that situation where you don't know if you should talk to someone or not, do it! There's no worse feeling in the world than loneliness, and nobody deserves to go through that. Give yourself a little bit of courage, and talk to someone. It can only make things better. :)