Top Ten Songs which are good, but have the craziest lyrics you've ever heard in your life.

Good day, Internet, how are we this fine morning? ... Yes ... Really? .... Oh, that's good! I'm pleased to hear that. Today's ponderance stems from the increased amount of time I've spent listening to my iPod recently; I apparently know a lot of songs with crazy lyrics. I mean, I think it's great, but you can't walk down the road singing "From meths and gin I feel the sin, like wheels upon my feet." (Name that tune?) So I've made a list. It's a top ten, inasmuch as there are ten things on it. They're not really in a proper order, it's just the order I thought of them in.

[SIDEBAR: I wanted to include Ein Kompliment by Sportfreunde Stiller in this list, but I didn't because most of my readers are English speaking (as a first language), and I didn't think they'd understand "Wenn man so willst bist du... mein Süßigkeitswahrabteilung im Supermarkt", even though it's one of the most excellent lyrics ever. (Englishers, it means "You are my confectionary aisle in the Supermarket", of course... Just in case you couldn't guess!) /END SIDEBAR]

So here we go:

1. Abdul Abulbul Amir
          Performed by: Frank Crumit (originally)
          Describe it in five words: Blokes fight, listen really carefully.
          Short Synopsis: This is a song about two men, one from Russia and one from somewhere else, who bump into each other in the street (literally) and then set about fighting. As you do. As this song is a story, I won't ruin the end, but the guys' names alone are worth listening to this song for.
          Favourite Line: "By this I imply you are going to die, Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar!" (How else is your opponent to know that you're trash talking them?)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7GgmOdHDog (I prefer the Peter Skellern Version, so I've posted that, it's just not the original.)
           See also: I'm a Pink Toothbrush by Max Bygraves. It's a similar children's story theme.

2. Wilbury Twist
          Performed by: The Travelling Wilburys
          Describe it in five words: Brand new dance to learn.
          Short Synopsis: It really is just a set of instructions for a dance. It's on this list because I think you might end up in hospital if you followed them all. Twice.
          Favourite Line: "It could be years before you're missed, Everybody's trying to do the Wilbury Twist." (Anything else would give it away.)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjSmgSdFASk (with lyrics, so you can follow the  moves easily!)
          See also: Dirty World by the Travelling Wilburys. I've never been embarrassed by the words "red bell peppers" before.

3. Leap Up and Down (wave your knickers in the air)
          Performed by: St Cecilia
          Describe it in five words: Seriously, try it some time.
          Short Synopsis: A shy girl is looking for a way to attract herself a gentleman. She comes up with a novel way to do it. It's only recommended in the summer.
          Favourite line: "Leap up and down, wave your knickers in the air!" (duh!)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoDZbZfnG7c (I can't find anything better, but you can hear the words.)

          See also: Tiger Feet by Mud. It's kind of similar. And whoever heard of someone having the feet of a big cat?

4. Nice Legs, Shame About the Face
          Performed by: The Monks
          Describe it in five words: Expected misogyny, but pleasantly surprised.
          Short Synopsis: The singer goes on a blind date with a girl his friend says is good looking. He is disappointed by the outcome. Again, this one is a nice story, so I won't spoil the ending.
          Favourite line: "Nice legs, shame about the boat race."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgKv-6Yyd2g
          See also: Saturday Gigs by Mott the Hoople. Vaguely similar topic matter? They both cover going out?

5. Reasons to be Cheerful (pt. 3)
          Performed by: Ian Dury and the Blockheads
          Describe it in five words: "Whydoncha get back into bed?"
          Short Synopsis: A list of things that make the singer cheerful. They range wildly between the everyday and the extraordinary.
          Favourite line: "Saying okey-dokey, sing-a-long a Smokie, Coming outta chokey" (anyone who's ever sang along with Smokey will probably know why.)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcjh1a9Yoao  *LANGUAGE WARNING*
          See also: Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick by Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Equally weird lyrics, just fewer of them.

6. The Myths and Legends of King Merton Womble and his Journey to the Centre of the Earth
          Performed by: The Wombles
          Describe it in five words: The longest title ever (possibly).
          Short Synopsis: It's another story. This one is about the great and glorious King Merton Womble and his quest to have a picnic at the centre of the Earth. Casual. I won't ruin the ending.
          Favourite line: "I wonder if ever a Womble king put down his tidy bag and extricated from a stone the sword Exscallywag."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKWH9EP1MoU
          See also: Anything by the Wombles. All their songs have excellent stories to them. I particularly like Wombling White Tie and Tails.

7. Jilted John
          Performed by: Jilted John
          Describe it in five words: "Gordon is a moron." Well...
          Short Synopsis: The terribly sad tale of  poor John who is chucked by his girl Julie in favour of a gentleman called Gordon, of whom the singer does not approve. Poor Gordon.
          Favourite line: "I was so upset that I cried all the way to the chip shop."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN45OjB-cCU (Looks like nobody told him you're meant to mime on TOTP.)
          See also: You Broke My Heart by the Lovebites. One of my all-time favourite songs not written by Roy Wood. Teenage heartbreak and electric guitars. Why the heck not?

8. The Funky Gibbon
          Performed by: The Goodies
          Describe it in five words: Bill Oddie was a popstar?
          Short Synopsis: There's not a lot more to say about this. Another dance song, this time by the Goodies. How to dance like a gibbon.
          Favourite line: "Drop one arm down by your knees, let the other arm reach up to the trees."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXq8rELhUkw (Ignore Steve Wright. He thinks he's funny.)
          See also: Walking the Dog by Rufus Thomas. A soul classic which teaches you to dance like you're walking a dog.

9. Cherry Blossom Clinic (Revisited)
          Performed by: The Move
          Describe it in five words: Mental Asylum. More tea, vicar?
          Short Synopsis: You didn't really think I'd get all the way through this list without a Woody song, did you? A Roy is for life, not just for Christmas! A song about someone who's woken up to find himself locked away for his own safety. Thought provoking (for me at least) and mad as a squirrel in a raincoat.
          Favourite line: "Lock me in and throw the key away."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHAzNU4Vsus (The original is only three minutes, but I like this version better. Listen in stereo if possible.)
          See also: Most things by Roy Wood have excellent lyrics. Going Down the Road is pretty impressive though. Very political. But also Scottish reggae.

10. Ne Ne Na Na Nu Nu
          Performed by: Bad Manners
          Describe it in five words: If possible, ask Short Chris.
          Short Synopsis: This is an excellent song with limited words. The other bonus is that the few words that are repeated will fit very happily to any tune. Also, and I can't stress this enough, LAUGHING SAXOPHONE SOLO.
          Favourite line: "Ne ne ne ne na na nu nu!"
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUWOAJ0My9I
          See also: Scruff the Huffy Chuffy Tugboat by Bad Manners (*LANGUAGE WARNING*). A super duper excellent song. But if you don't like it, try anything else by Bad Manners or Madness, it's all insane.


Well, that's it. If anyone actually likes these lists of music, I can do others by mood, theme, instruments, whatever. If not, I'll go back to drivelling on about Germany and Scouts and things.


Emmatt Update: I realise there's not been one of these in a while, so to put you at ease, here's one. Matt and I are still together, nearly two years now (how he does it, I'll never know!) The distance is once again proving bothersome, as is the fact that I'm now at work all day. But we're still spending time chatting and whatnot, so fingers crossed! :)

A Rediscovery

So hey, here I am again, just pottering around the contorted crevices of my brain and I've discovered and am now pondering the beautiful music of Tom Petty. I am, of course, already aware of his music; Highway Companion was actually my parents's highway companion for about a year, so every trip we went on, we would listen to it. What's more, he was also a member of The Traveling Wilburys, unquestionably the best supergroup in existence (except perhaps The Rockers, but that is an EPQ-worthy debate.)

First and foremost, Petty's voice is fantastic - it's quite rough and almost vulnerable, which makes the words of his songs so much more powerful to the listener. It's also a very distinctive voice which means that, especially in The Traveling Wilburys, his voice stands out from the likes of Roy Orbison and Jeff Lynne, whose voices are both very smooth and refined.

The second thing which makes Tom Petty's work so good are the amazing lyrics. Bob Dylan once called Tom Petty a poet, but he has always denied it. Personally, I agree with Dylan. I mean, look at this, for example:

Tried so hard to stand alone,
Struggled to see past my nose
Always had more dogs than bones;
I could never wear those clothes.

To me, those words (taken from 'Square One', from Highway Companion) are haunting and beautiful. But if you don't like that, how about this?:

So If I come to your door
Let me sleep on your floor,
I'll give you all I have and a little more.

That's the chorus to 'Down South', also from Highway Companion and not only is it some of the best writing for a song that I've ever heard (for me, it's up there with Don McLean's 'Vincent' and 'Mist On A Monday Morning' by Roy Wood) it's also something so wonderfully written that it wouldn't look out of place in an A-Level poetry analysis.

If anyone is interested, or keeping notes, I have also added Square One to my list of music which I would like at my funeral. I've posted link below, so you can see why. Also below is a link to a Web Page about some of the more well-known songs Petty has written. Thanks for reading :)



http://performingsongwriter.com/tom-petty-songs/

Musical Education - Seriously, you should know this by now

As Jeff Lynne has two new albums coming out later this year, I have been pondering the awesome world of music. And by music I mean proper music, not that rubbish that passes for music nowadays (golly, I sound at least sixty)...

OK, so, a brief lesson on Rock Family Trees:

• So, Jeff Lynne was in a band called "The Idle Race", who were alright.
• Then he got bored of them and moved to a band called "The Move" (so called, because all their members moved about a lot).
• Also in "The Move" at that time were Roy Wood, Bev Bevan and Rick Price (previous members include Ace Kefford, Carl Wayne, Trevor Burton and Richard Tandy).
• Roy Wood had moved to "The Move" from "Mike Sheridan and the Nightriders", where he was constantly fighting for supremacy with (surprise surprise) Mike Sheridan.
• After "The Move" Jeff Lynne, Roy Wood and Bev Bevan rejoined forces with Richard Tandy to form "The Electric Light Orchestra" ("ELO"), who are one of the best bands ever to have existed. "ELO" also included about six or seven other members, most of whom played strings (and Bill Hunt, who played keyboard and french horn).
• The incredibly talented Roy eventually left "ELO" to pursue a more lucrative career where he wasn't fighting for supremacy against other incredibly talented musicians (Lynne). Roy then went on to become the lead singer of "Wizzard", one of the other best bands of all time, along with Charlie Grimma, Nick Pentalow, Mike Burney and Rick Price (from "The Move"), amongst others.
• "ELO", in Roy's absence, picked up several new members, including Kelly Groucutt and Mik Kaminski, and became extremely successful. Eventually, somewhere in the midst of the eighties, Jeff Lynne got bored and left, after writing a song about it (as you do). 
• After this, "ELO" picked up an excellent new singer called Eric Troyer and formed "ELO Part II", "Orkestra" and "The Orchestra" in quick succession (Jeff Lynne had the rights to the "ELO" name).
• Both Kelly Groucutt and Jeff Lynne took up solo careers at various points during the nineties and two thousands. Jeff Lynne also "reformed" the "ELO", still having the name rights, but with girls, and very few of the actual original members. They did a tour called "Zoom" in 2001, but everyone seems to agree that the less said about that, the better.
• Jeff Lynne was also in the supergroup with the best lineup ever (Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, George Harrison and Bob Dylan - I know, right?!?!) - The Traveling Wilburys.
• Roy Wood, in the meantime, has been in several bands since Wizzard; firstly there was "The Wizzo Band", which was weird and experimental, "Roy Wood's Helicopter", "Roy Wood's Army", "The Roy Wood Big Band" and, now, "The Roy Wood Rock and Roll Band". ("Roy Wood's Army" and "The Roy Wood Big Band" were both mostly, if not all, female apart from Roy. This makes them doubly awesome. "The Roy Wood Rock And Roll Band" is not all female, as the majority of the musicians from "The Roy Wood Rock And Roll Band" all went off to have families and babies.)
• Roy was also part of a supergroup called "The Rockers", who were the House Band on the TV show "OTT" (which Roy wrote the theme tune for). This band comprised of Phil Lynot, Chas Hodges and John Coghlan.

OK, that's a family tree which is practically horizontal. But awesome. For more information, check out this video, which is the best thing on the web:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRDqpaDEG3k <-- Watch it, or be forever shunned...