Things I Didn't Learn In 2016

It's that time of year again when I usually write a list of comical things I have learnt in the past twelve months. Sadly, as we all know, 2016 was not the happiest of years, either nationally, internationally, or for me personally. So I'm afraid that, whilst I learnt a lot last year, writing it all into a blog post would not be very funny, or interesting to read.
My original plan was to write a vitriolic and aggressively ironic list of "things I didn't learn in 2016", to include things like "democracy works" and "people with beards have problems", but I thought that was still rather depressing, and unhealthy way to spend my time. Instead, I am going to summarise my year in songs. Some of them are great, some of them are terrible, and at least one is the Vengaboys. I'm not sorry. I'm also sparing no apology for the fact that this is another blog post about music; music is a massive part of my life, and I wouldn't be who I am without it. Equally, I measure a lot of things by songs, so I feel it's fitting.

January: Where Were You Last Night - The Travelling Wilburys
Apart from being a fantastic song, from a band I may have been a little obsessed with last year, it includes the lines "Where were you last year? You sure as hell weren't here". I find this highly appropriate for the entire of 2016, as I was on my year abroad. Arriving back in Braunschweig after spending Christmas at home was a strange feeling, but I was glad to be back. Equally, living in Braunschweig for less than a year in total meant that I only experienced each month once. Therefore, this song seemed incredibly fitting to describe a new year in a different country.

February: We Like To Party - The Vengaboys
I suppose I should finally explain this. In February 2016, Helen and I went to visit Jordan in Dusseldorf on Karneval weekend. This was accidental great planning on our part, and we had a fantastic weekend celebrating and watching National Treasure. But, of course, this was us, so it wasn't exactly a standard Karneval weekend. We spent most of the weekend in Jordan's room playing The Vengaboys at Helen every time she walked into the room. Naturally, we went out to party in the streets with everyone else (because "we like to party"), but it was mostly an excuse to see each other.

March: Poing - Rotterdam Termination Source
This is the most ridiculous song I was introduced to last year. I have included it for March, even though I first heard in June or July, because Daniel, James and I went to the Netherlands. After a few days in Amsterdam, Daniel left us to go home to his family for Easter, and James and I travelled on to Rotterdam. We met some lovely, but mad, people in our hostel and explored the city to the best of our ability. It was a fantastic weekend, and it was fun to spend time with people I like when we weren't fighting over whose turn it was to carry the shopping, or what colour trousers Gillian should wear.

April: The Battle Hymn of the Republic - William Steffe
"He jumped without a parachute from forty thousand feet, And he ain't gonna jump no mo-oo-oore." Or something like that. There needed to be a hymn in this list somewhere, because I have relied heavily on my relationship with God over the last twelve months; praying for everything from my family to the future of the world. I flew back to the UK for two different Queen's Scout Award ceremonies last April, including the parade for St George's Day at Windsor Castle, where we sang a heavily altered version of this. It was fantastic, but a massive disappointment as far as meeting famous people was concerned. Some old lady had her birthday that weekend, so lots of people were busy.

May: Vienna - Ultravox
Guess where I went in May?
Indeed, I did go to Austria with Jordan, and we did stay in the capital city. We went on the fantastically named Christi Himmelfahrt, which is another Bank Holiday that we don't have in England. Sadly, Helen got glandular fever/mono (HAHAHAHAHAAAAA) and couldn't come (sad). But Jordan and I still went and hung out with Emily who came back to Vienna to see us for the weekend. Spending time with people who have no expectations except having a bit of a moan about the state of the world and the poor module choices for fourth year was really enjoyable. And we didn't sing the Vengaboys for the entire weekend either, so not having Helen there was just the gift that kept on giving...

June: Just - Radiohead
Ugh.
I couldn't write a list of music that influenced 2016 without mentioning Radiohead, sadly. They had a new album out in the summer last year, which I am informed by a Radiohead fan (such things exist) is really good. Personally, I thought it sounded like sentimental teen rubbish. So instead of making anyone suffer through it, I am putting Just in this list, as it is half decent, and doesn't fade into the background of "meh" that tends to encompass Radiohead for me.
I apologise to anyone who actually likes Radiohead, but I am almost entirely indifferent to their music.

July: Over London Skies - Orchestra
"Another Goodbye Airport" faced me in July, as I moved out of my flat in Braunschweig for good, and left behind a life I truly miss. For a while, I thought my sentimentality was for a version of myself that couldn't be replicated, and friends I didn't want to lose. Six months down the line, I realise that neither of these is quite true. Life in Braunschweig allowed me to be a proper grown up for the first time, and I really did make some fantastic friends that I wish I could see more often. But I really do miss Germany. There are just some intrinsically German things that I wish I could get back to. I'll go back one day.

August: Ms Jackson - Outkast
Blame Matt. He is to blame for this terrible, terrible choice. And for the singing you've all had to endure since I came back to uni.
This song. Right. This song.
It's so funny if you sing the lyrics in the cartoon to the tune of the song. And if I were even a little bit sorry for singing "I AM FOUR EEEEELS" at all hours of the day to poor, unsuspecting Declan, then I would "apologise a trillion times" to my housemates, my neighbours, Matt and everyone else who's been subjected to this.

September: The Boys Are Back In Town -Thin Lizzy
OK, so number one, this is an amazing song. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably likes Radiohead. Lame.
Secondly, I came back to uni in November. It was great to see all my wonderful friends again, as well as Ute the Tutor and the other remaining German Department staff (of which there were about three.) I'd love to say that I felt at home coming back to Nottingham, as if I actually belong here. That would be a total lie. However, I do feel like this is my place. Nobody can make me feel like I don't belong here. I think it's just because I know the place so well. I have a right to be here.
Plus everyone got back from their years abroad at the same time. So, you know, "The boys are back in town".

October: California Man - Roy Wood
In October I met Roy Wood. I wrote about it on this blog, and it was really the highlight of the month. He was a very pleasant man, and he signed a copy of our painting. I wasn't sure which song to include from Roy, so I've included this one for two reasons. One: I am reclaiming it. Two: It's the opening to the set, as you can see in the video, and it really psyches the audience up for the rest of the show. Even though Roy himself is actually from Birmingham, you really feel like he means it when he sings. And sometimes you just have to think "I don't care if my legs start aching" and do it anyway! Plus, you know, amazing saxophones.

November: Heaven Can Wait - Meat Loaf

Same.

Matt is to blame for this one as well, I'm afraid. In November, Matt found out that the Bat Out Of Hell musical is on stage in the West End next year, so we're going to see it because I love Meat Loaf and Matt is the best boyfriend ever. The reason I have chosen this, rather than something like Paradise By The Dashboard Light or something is because November was quite difficult for me, and I listened to this song a lot. But I also went to Oxford and saw Alice and Ben and David, and that was awesome, because they are all clearly so happy, and that's such a lovely thing to see.
Another reason is that I look like (long-haired) Meat Loaf when I wear a suit sometimes. It's like we're soulmates. Except that he's American.

December: Rabbit - Chas N Dave
In December I saw Roy Wood in concert again. To be honest, it was a little boring, seeing the same set twice in two months. I went with Jordan, and I think both of us were more excited to see Chas and Dave, who were also performing live. Unfortunately, Chas and Dave only performed about three songs, which was not enough for us. But we still had a lovely time, and visited the Birmingham Christmas Market at the same time.

So that's it I guess. Obviously, there are more songs I could mention, but I don't want to.
Happy "new" year. I hope this has been more interesting that me grumbling on...

An Open Letter to a Personal Hero

Dear Dr. Wood,

We met briefly in the pub before your concert in St Albans last month. It was one of the best concerts I've seen you do. I don't know why, because it's exactly the same set I've been seeing live since 2008. But something about that particular show was better, even perhaps better than your performance at the O2 with Status Quo a few years back.

You might vaguely remember me. I came into the pub with my dad about ten minutes before the show was due to start, and was slightly gobsmacked at actually meeting you in person. It was just such a surreal experience. You - Roy Wood - were there. In a Wetherspoons, right in front of me.
My dad asked you to sign about a million copies of the painting hanging in our "music room" (anyone else would call it the dining room); The Songwriter by Debra Dee, from the collection of portraits she painted of you. They were on display at St Paul's Gallery in Birmingham in 2012. It's one of the more crazy things my dad has ever bought - I remember coming home from school one day, and he was just grinning like a fool. I didn't even have to ask why. I think my exact words were "which one did you buy?" Apparently that painting makes up a portion of my inheritance. My boyfriend is thrilled...

We took a few photos together, which astonished friends and family. There are hardly any photos of my dad in existence. Surprisingly, this isn't because he's a vampire; it's simply because he doesn't like photos. When I was growing up, the only picture of him on display in our house was meeting you at some obscure concert in some obscure year of the 80s. I think that speaks volumes for you.

Without needing to be asked, my dad told you that his favourite song of yours is "Mist on a Monday Morning". And he's right, the poetry of the words is amazing, and the orchestration is very clever. Dad asked you if you'd written it (he knew you had, but didn't want to get it wrong, I think), to which you said "Of course I did, you knob." That sent him reeling. Hours later he was still over the moon; "Roy Wood called me a knob!", he kept joyously repeating.
When asked, you said that your favourite song from your extensive catalogue is "Beautiful Daughter". I agree that it's a lovely song, and I'm sure it has much more meaning to you than it does to anyone else. That's just how these things are. But it got me thinking about which of the thousands is my favourite. I'm sure you probably don't want to know, but I'd like to tell you.

It took some consideration. Being born in the 90s means that I have very little concept of what was popular, or successful, or even sometimes exactly when things were released. I also get confused between The Move and early ELO sometimes, but I'm working on it.
There are the obvious favourite songs, such as "See My Baby Jive" and "Angel Fingers", but whilst brilliant, neither of those was ever really contenders for me. I love "Blackberry Way", especially the new edit on Music Book, but I never know whether to laugh or cry when I hear it. It's quite a painful song in a strange way.
I absolutely adore "Brontosaurus", although it's a little muddy-sounding, and I think that building it into the intro for "California Man" is genius. "California Man" is another amazing song, although my experience with real Californian men leaves something to be desired. And I have to point out, Dr. Wood, you're not actually from California. You're from Birmingham. Sorry to break it to you.
I also get some enjoyment from the mad, comedic songs you've produced, such as "Curly" and "When Gran'ma Plays The Banjo". Heaven knows why. "Jolly Cup Of Tea" is also on the list. Somewhere.

But in the end, Dr. Wood, I think my favourite song you've ever written is "Whisper In The Night". There's a recording, an old live recording, of you playing it without the choir, and that's one of my favourite recordings ever, I think. It starts with you saying "That was Jeff Lynne, of course. Of course... Of course..."  and then you go on to explain the song. It's beautiful and I don't really know why. That song also contains on of my favourite quotes of all time; "Though God gave the world // It's not mine to throw away." I don't know if you're religious or if it's just there for musicality, but it really strikes a chord with me. But I suppose you don't need telling how amazing your work is. It's right there, every Christmas, when the whole world is playing your song. (And a smaller portion of the world is playing your other song, "Sing Out The Old, Bring In The New". That's also great, by the way.)

But I've been talking for a while now, I'd better stop so you can get on. I guess what I'm trying to say, Dr. Wood, is thank you. Thanks for being a genius and writing a lot of my favourite songs; thank you for founding most of my favourite bands too. But thank you most of all for being a decent human being, and letting a starstruck young woman and her dad interrupt you in a pub. Having a hero who's also a stand up guy is a real blessing.

I'm going to another of your concerts this year, I've been incredibly lucky. A friend and I are going to Birmingham on the 20th December to see Rockmas, with you, Chas and Dave, and Andy Fairweather-Low and the Low Riders. We even got seats really close to the front. You won't be surprised to hear that I'm looking forward to it!

Anyway, it was a pleasure meeting you. I look forward to seeing you again.
Best wishes,
Emma

If Songs Were Friends

Or if friends were songs...

I like music and friends. The two don't usually like each other (Daniel is still getting over "One 4 Xmas" by HotPantz), but I like both. Therefore I'm spending my time linking my friends with certain songs. See the list below...

Alice has to be represented by something we sang in the choir together. Heaven knows what, because we sang so much! I think I can narrow it down to a song from the Albert Hall concert, but that still leaves five choices. Or does it? Well, considering that the other two options are the School Song and Gold, yes. Yes it does. So it has to be the iconic Werner Song, Mercy Street. Nice one, Simon ;)

Harri, on the other hand, has never been quite as musical as some of my other friends. Apart from stating a total dislike for ELO (whose most popular song they once retitled "The day my cat killed your grandma with a toaster"), nothing really stands out about Harri's music tastes in my memory. Except that one Chemistry lesson, where we sang "GOLD! Always recycle your knees" to poor Mr Jays... But for a period in the lower school, they did like the Jam, so I suppose I always associate Harri with Eton Rifles.

Elizbeth is a difficult one. I have very fond memories of her shouting at her iPod "But WHERE did you end up Amy?! Oh yes, that's right - REHAB!" Then of course, there's the possibility of Grey Squirrel, or Auntie Monica. And I have great memories of singing Mr Brightside with her at the top of my lungs at Tolmers. But my strongest musical link to Liz is probably Hot and Cold, which must be sung in the most awful Scottish accent achievable.

Helen deserves something glorious. But Helen and Jordan together can only be one thing. And I am truly sorry to everyone who clicks on this link. Except Helen. I don't really care that Helen had to suffer that ;)
But Helen and Jordan separately are difficult to place. I think I'm going to have to go a bit hipster (you won't have heard of it) and say Lion's Heart for Helen, because of the strong independent woman bit, and the Gryffindor link. For Jordan, I think it has to be something cheesy, but also dreadful. Maybe this Ukranian Eurovision entry from a few years ago?

I think for Daniel there is only one choice. When he found out that I know Ein Lied Für Dich, he basically had a heart attack. Apparently Brits shouldn't know German music. Unless it's weird comedy songs about Käsebrot.

For James and Lewis there's not much else I can say about this tune. (Although, as the Yanks say, "Peterhooooouse".) A close second for Lewis was Man! I Feel Like a Woman. Not because he is effeminate, but because of an occurrence at the Wolfenbüttel Christmas Market.

Matt and I have never had a "couples song"; I don't even know if that's something people in the real world do. He suggested Rick Astley when I asked him, but I actually think The Proclaimers is a better fit, given Graham fitting our names into it at Phatpocket, various car rides and the infamous QSA hike. We didn't quite walk five hundred miles, but it certainly felt like it.

Declan was a tough decision. It had to be something from the musical The Producers, but the obvious choice seems a bit too obvious. The problem is, I really associate Springtime for Hitler with Emily (or maybe Helen), so maybe there is only one choice. He told me he didn't want it to be Poing.

There are, of course, lots of people missing from this list, including a whole load of people I always think of when I hear Dynamite, or The Final Countdown, or any other number of Owen's-related songs. And for some people it's really hard to pin it down to the most important song. Or even any song at all
 in some cases.

So whatever, that's it from me. again. I'll probably be in touch at some point, either by blog or in actual people. Thanks for reading again. Much love xx

Top Ten Songs which are good, but have the craziest lyrics you've ever heard in your life.

Good day, Internet, how are we this fine morning? ... Yes ... Really? .... Oh, that's good! I'm pleased to hear that. Today's ponderance stems from the increased amount of time I've spent listening to my iPod recently; I apparently know a lot of songs with crazy lyrics. I mean, I think it's great, but you can't walk down the road singing "From meths and gin I feel the sin, like wheels upon my feet." (Name that tune?) So I've made a list. It's a top ten, inasmuch as there are ten things on it. They're not really in a proper order, it's just the order I thought of them in.

[SIDEBAR: I wanted to include Ein Kompliment by Sportfreunde Stiller in this list, but I didn't because most of my readers are English speaking (as a first language), and I didn't think they'd understand "Wenn man so willst bist du... mein Süßigkeitswahrabteilung im Supermarkt", even though it's one of the most excellent lyrics ever. (Englishers, it means "You are my confectionary aisle in the Supermarket", of course... Just in case you couldn't guess!) /END SIDEBAR]

So here we go:

1. Abdul Abulbul Amir
          Performed by: Frank Crumit (originally)
          Describe it in five words: Blokes fight, listen really carefully.
          Short Synopsis: This is a song about two men, one from Russia and one from somewhere else, who bump into each other in the street (literally) and then set about fighting. As you do. As this song is a story, I won't ruin the end, but the guys' names alone are worth listening to this song for.
          Favourite Line: "By this I imply you are going to die, Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar!" (How else is your opponent to know that you're trash talking them?)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7GgmOdHDog (I prefer the Peter Skellern Version, so I've posted that, it's just not the original.)
           See also: I'm a Pink Toothbrush by Max Bygraves. It's a similar children's story theme.

2. Wilbury Twist
          Performed by: The Travelling Wilburys
          Describe it in five words: Brand new dance to learn.
          Short Synopsis: It really is just a set of instructions for a dance. It's on this list because I think you might end up in hospital if you followed them all. Twice.
          Favourite Line: "It could be years before you're missed, Everybody's trying to do the Wilbury Twist." (Anything else would give it away.)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjSmgSdFASk (with lyrics, so you can follow the  moves easily!)
          See also: Dirty World by the Travelling Wilburys. I've never been embarrassed by the words "red bell peppers" before.

3. Leap Up and Down (wave your knickers in the air)
          Performed by: St Cecilia
          Describe it in five words: Seriously, try it some time.
          Short Synopsis: A shy girl is looking for a way to attract herself a gentleman. She comes up with a novel way to do it. It's only recommended in the summer.
          Favourite line: "Leap up and down, wave your knickers in the air!" (duh!)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoDZbZfnG7c (I can't find anything better, but you can hear the words.)

          See also: Tiger Feet by Mud. It's kind of similar. And whoever heard of someone having the feet of a big cat?

4. Nice Legs, Shame About the Face
          Performed by: The Monks
          Describe it in five words: Expected misogyny, but pleasantly surprised.
          Short Synopsis: The singer goes on a blind date with a girl his friend says is good looking. He is disappointed by the outcome. Again, this one is a nice story, so I won't spoil the ending.
          Favourite line: "Nice legs, shame about the boat race."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgKv-6Yyd2g
          See also: Saturday Gigs by Mott the Hoople. Vaguely similar topic matter? They both cover going out?

5. Reasons to be Cheerful (pt. 3)
          Performed by: Ian Dury and the Blockheads
          Describe it in five words: "Whydoncha get back into bed?"
          Short Synopsis: A list of things that make the singer cheerful. They range wildly between the everyday and the extraordinary.
          Favourite line: "Saying okey-dokey, sing-a-long a Smokie, Coming outta chokey" (anyone who's ever sang along with Smokey will probably know why.)
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcjh1a9Yoao  *LANGUAGE WARNING*
          See also: Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick by Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Equally weird lyrics, just fewer of them.

6. The Myths and Legends of King Merton Womble and his Journey to the Centre of the Earth
          Performed by: The Wombles
          Describe it in five words: The longest title ever (possibly).
          Short Synopsis: It's another story. This one is about the great and glorious King Merton Womble and his quest to have a picnic at the centre of the Earth. Casual. I won't ruin the ending.
          Favourite line: "I wonder if ever a Womble king put down his tidy bag and extricated from a stone the sword Exscallywag."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKWH9EP1MoU
          See also: Anything by the Wombles. All their songs have excellent stories to them. I particularly like Wombling White Tie and Tails.

7. Jilted John
          Performed by: Jilted John
          Describe it in five words: "Gordon is a moron." Well...
          Short Synopsis: The terribly sad tale of  poor John who is chucked by his girl Julie in favour of a gentleman called Gordon, of whom the singer does not approve. Poor Gordon.
          Favourite line: "I was so upset that I cried all the way to the chip shop."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN45OjB-cCU (Looks like nobody told him you're meant to mime on TOTP.)
          See also: You Broke My Heart by the Lovebites. One of my all-time favourite songs not written by Roy Wood. Teenage heartbreak and electric guitars. Why the heck not?

8. The Funky Gibbon
          Performed by: The Goodies
          Describe it in five words: Bill Oddie was a popstar?
          Short Synopsis: There's not a lot more to say about this. Another dance song, this time by the Goodies. How to dance like a gibbon.
          Favourite line: "Drop one arm down by your knees, let the other arm reach up to the trees."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXq8rELhUkw (Ignore Steve Wright. He thinks he's funny.)
          See also: Walking the Dog by Rufus Thomas. A soul classic which teaches you to dance like you're walking a dog.

9. Cherry Blossom Clinic (Revisited)
          Performed by: The Move
          Describe it in five words: Mental Asylum. More tea, vicar?
          Short Synopsis: You didn't really think I'd get all the way through this list without a Woody song, did you? A Roy is for life, not just for Christmas! A song about someone who's woken up to find himself locked away for his own safety. Thought provoking (for me at least) and mad as a squirrel in a raincoat.
          Favourite line: "Lock me in and throw the key away."
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHAzNU4Vsus (The original is only three minutes, but I like this version better. Listen in stereo if possible.)
          See also: Most things by Roy Wood have excellent lyrics. Going Down the Road is pretty impressive though. Very political. But also Scottish reggae.

10. Ne Ne Na Na Nu Nu
          Performed by: Bad Manners
          Describe it in five words: If possible, ask Short Chris.
          Short Synopsis: This is an excellent song with limited words. The other bonus is that the few words that are repeated will fit very happily to any tune. Also, and I can't stress this enough, LAUGHING SAXOPHONE SOLO.
          Favourite line: "Ne ne ne ne na na nu nu!"
          Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUWOAJ0My9I
          See also: Scruff the Huffy Chuffy Tugboat by Bad Manners (*LANGUAGE WARNING*). A super duper excellent song. But if you don't like it, try anything else by Bad Manners or Madness, it's all insane.


Well, that's it. If anyone actually likes these lists of music, I can do others by mood, theme, instruments, whatever. If not, I'll go back to drivelling on about Germany and Scouts and things.


Emmatt Update: I realise there's not been one of these in a while, so to put you at ease, here's one. Matt and I are still together, nearly two years now (how he does it, I'll never know!) The distance is once again proving bothersome, as is the fact that I'm now at work all day. But we're still spending time chatting and whatnot, so fingers crossed! :)

Why Is There So Much Good Music?

Hey folks, here's another procrastinatory ponderance for you!

Why is it that there's so much excellent music out there? I'm currently listening to Roger Daltrey singing "Giving It All Away" - listen to it if you get the chance, it's beautiful - and I've started pondering how there can be so much powerful and moving music in existence. Whilst revising today I've had the four and five star music on my iTunes playing and there's such a variety of music here that it makes me wonder how such amazing music can cover so many genres and styles.

I know my music isn't all going to be everyone's cup of tea, but I've got all sorts of stuff playing today; heavy rock, soft rock, glam rock, Alice Cooper (whatever he counts as - mildly sadistic hard rock?), ballads, soul, reggae, pop and electric, acapella, ska... and something my Dad has listed as "Woody's Chinese Takeaway" (I don't want to know - although it refers to Hong Kong Swing by Cruella DeVille, which is a great song). The list is (at least, it might as well be) endless. And the Wurzels hasn't even played yet! The point is, Wurzels aside, there is such great music out there in every genre that people can enjoy. That's what I love about music, it's just so remarkable, regardless of where its inspiration lies, or anything like that.

Which is why I can never have a show on URN.
Annoyingly, this is true. Because the music I love comes from all sorts of genres, era, backgrounds etc.  I can't therefore have an After Dark (specialist music) show; I don't have a specialism, my music is just stuff I like. I couldn't have a Daytime show because of the reliance upon and the requirement of the Playlist. For those of you who don't know, a certain number of songs in each show on URN are required to be from a preset playlist of recent song I've almost never heard of. If I were to do a radio show, I'd want to play endless awesome music which I could really enthuse about, rather than a combination which included some songs I had no idea about. That's not to say I don't want to include modern music in what I listen to, but if I don't know what it is, I can't be excited to play it.

Anyway, mildly pessimistic rant over; I'll leave you all now.

Emmatt Update: I realise there's not been one of these for a while, and for some reason people still care, so here we are. Matt and I were working together at Phatpocket again over Easter, if only for a week. We didn't see as much of each other as we'd have liked during the rest of my holiday back home (what an odd concept) because Matt had exams and I was still working for quite a lot of it. However, we're still going strong, having seen each other last Sunday when I was back home on a Cub Camp - the things I do, eh? - and there is a plan for him to come and visit me here after my exams finish on 4th June, although the exact date is uncertain at the moment.

If It's Twenty Four Hour Silence...

So Ancaster Hall is meant to have a twenty four hour silence policy, to allow students to study for their impending exams. However, although I am aware that I would be in serious trouble if I did so much as turn my music up louder than absolutely necessary, or watched TV online without headphones, I am also aware that there are several things stopping the silence. So my ponderance today is:
If Ancaster Hall is meant to be silent twenty four hours a day, then why...:

• ... Do large, very loud lorries drive past my room periodically between the times of 06:00 and at least 15:30?
• ... Is the idiot in the room below me allowed to play his ridiculously loud dubstep/club music so that I can hear it through my floor, when I can't even have my radio loud enough to be able to hear it in my own bathroom?
• ... Have the girls upstairs been throwing things out of their window for no apparent reason and then spending half an hour yelling at each other from the ground to the second floor trying to get it out of the spiky bushes that they know are incredibly spiky (designed to prevent intruders)?
• ... Have the aforementioned girls got very cross with me when I shouted out the window telling them to be quiet as it's meant to be silent?
• ... Are the boys outside allowed to stand almost directly outside my room and play (very loud) football? 
• ..., if all the above are true, am I not allowed to watch a film with my friends?

Making Friends

Hello dear friends! Today I am writing very briefly about one of the downsides of living in halls of residence (not that there are many!) because it's happening right now and I'm pondering it as a result.

The gentleman below me and I have only met once during my time here (and I'm not even entirely sure which one he was) and at that point, Declan, Beth and I were rolling around on the floor laughing like loons on loon tablets. However, I have learnt quite a lot about my downstairs neighbour from his taste in music.

At some point each day, usually when I am sitting in my room "studying" (i.e. Eating cheese and biscuits, painting my nails, blogging, arranging my stuff/timetable etc.) the gentleman downstairs will begin playing loud club dance music from the (rather impressive) speaker system he must have down there. I know that dance music is designed to have a very noticeable bass line and hence would be fairly audible at any volume, however, this particular music is being played so loudly that I am able to tell what the song is.

Think about that for a second. I, Emma, can identify the club music which is being played. Any other genre, you might sort of say "well, yes, but you know every piece of music ever released" but club dance music should make you think something's up. Firstly, I absolutely hate club dance music and know very little of it; the fact that I know some is merely a reflection of Freshers' Week and its effect, the fact that I can identify it shows how loud it must be. Secondly all club music sounds exactly the same when played quietly, for it to be identifiable, it must be quite loud....

So I have come up with a solution. Many of you will think it childish, but to you I say "Ner ner ner ner ner!!!" I have declared "Battle of the Awful Music", which means that every time his music is so loud that I can hear it, I turn up the music I'm listening to to drown him out (and hopefully educate him in what music should actually sound like.) So far today, Mr Underneath-Room has been subjected to "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys, "Ticket To The Moon" by ELO and "I Wish It Could Be A Wombling Merry Christmas Every Day" (Fat Boy Furry Crucial Dub Groovy Acid Burrow Garage Mix) by Roy Wood and the Wombles, which he may well have actually enjoyed.

Grow up? NEVER!!!

Parthenon Huxley

Hopefully, this post might actually work this time...

As many of you who have me as a friend on the beautifully renamed Facepoke will know, I recently posted a picture of a tiny poster I made for the Rewind Henley festival which Liz and I attended at the weekend, which said "I <3 and="" confused.="" explain="" feel="" generally="" hux.="" i="" p.="" p="" should="" the="" this="" to="" u="" undereducated="">
Parthenon Huxley is the guitarist for the Orchestra, which is what's left of ELO (the Electric Light Orchestra) now that there's no Jeff Lynne or Bev Bevan in the line-up. Apart from having one of the best names in the world, Huxley's key claim to fame (in our household at least) is his excellent album "Homemade Spaceship", on which he sings (and has arranged) several covers of ELO hits, my favourite of which is probably "Don't Bring Me Down." (Not, as Ella claims "The day my toaster killed your grandmother with a cat".)

Unfortunately, P. Hux's work is virtually unknown in the UK. This means that it is nigh on impossible to find anything by him online, but here is what I could find in the YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Glsawak-ceA -  (10538 Overture, another excellent cover.)

[SIDEBAR:] Yes, I am aware that P. Hux can be read, deliberately or not, as "phux", but I am not that immature (usually) and I ask that you aren't either (except when I am). Yes, Dad, I know you think it's hilarious and that's why it's like it on iTunes...

Anyway, this man is amazing. If you ever want to see me fangirl with the best of them, take me to see the Orchestra with P. Hux in concert; I will be the only one there excited about this guy, but it's so worth it :)

An Eclectic Selection

Hello dear readers, I'm terribly sorry that my updates have not been forthcoming. I blame a combination of work, holiday, hiking and forgetting. I will briefly outline what I've done and what I plan to update the blog saying in this post because I've pondered so much recently. After this post, I'd like you to pretend that the things I'm talking about have just happened, rather than having happened between a week and three weeks ago.

So, in the last few weeks I've got a job with an online book selling company called PhatPocket (yeah, I know.) This has led me to meet many interesting people, find many... err... interesting books (including "Walls and Fences"), getting my first payslip and working in a warehouse full of frogs (all will be revealed, worry not!!!) Working in a real "office" environment, i.e. somewhere that isn't someone else's front room, has shown me both the joys and pains of the work force; half-hour lunch breaks are both a blessing and a joy. It's also a very strange combination of strenuous exercise and sitting in one place for hours on end; moving books around and then sitting scanning them for ages means that I've not really become accustomed to solid desk work.

On top of that, there was the Explorer Expedition which was, ooooh, about two weeks ago now. We started in Hastings and hiked/got buses/used the RHDR to get to Sandwich four days later. It was an excellent trip all around and highlights include Jess's stripy legs, Jack trying to kill dune bugs and ending up killing Greg in the process, Greg getting us lost and Rachel trying to make us climb through barbed wire, trying to explain the pelvis to James, and Phoebe. Just Phoebe. As before, more details to come.

Since then James, Rachel, Louise, Craig, Josh, Adam and Adele helped at the Holiday Club (run by all the church regulars and the Reverend Sandra) at the church for several days but, since I was working, I couldn't go with them. However, I was able to go to the Bring and Share lunch, although they didn't actually let me bring anything to share. It was a highly enjoyable lunch though and I'm glad I went and saw everyone and had a nice chat to my lovely church friends.

Following this was the family holiday to Yorkshire for eight days. Yorkshire is a beautiful place and if you've never been there then I highly recommend it for a holiday or longer. For me, Yorkshire is the perfect balance between country and seaside, the two best elements of Britain, with enough town aspects for someone like me (someone who isn't a massive fan of the metropolitan scene) not to get bored too quickly. Plus, their accents are beautiful. For the first two nights of our holiday we were staying at Wood House Farm in Westow near York ( http://www.wood-house-farm.co.uk/ .) From Monday night onwards we were staying at Station House, Cloughton - somewhere between Whitby and Scarborough - ( http://cloughtonstation.co.uk/ ,) which is also a tearoom. Both of these places do deserve proper write-ups, but I will do these another time.

Finally this evening, whilst waiting for a rerun of New Tricks to start on the cable channel Alibi, I stumbled across half a documentary (well, a documentary which was halfway through when I found it) about Meat Loaf. The singer, not the food - how sad do you think I am? More specifically, it was a documentary about "Bat Out Of Hell", possibly one of the best albums of all time. If you haven't heard it before, I implore you: please, please, PLEASE do yourself a favour and listen to it. It really is amazingly good.

OK, Now Let Me Explain This Too....

I know many of you (or not, it was probably just Lizzie) read my post pondering Hipsters the other week and I had several people (OK, that was just Lizzie. And then Chris, because he's mean) feedback saying that I came across as a hipster in the post.

This wasn't the point of the post.
And I will defend myself as the most unhipstery person in the world.
(See Lizzie, you made me paranoid now)

Hipsters choose to "like" things because they're unpopular or not particularly well known. I have never done this; I like things because they're good (or funny at least) and because I LIKE THEM, which was the whole point of my post. You should choose to like things which conform to the standards you set internally which make something good in your opinion, rather than those set externally by other people.

Wow, now I sound really weird.

My previous post mentioned several bands which aren't well known because I was proving that it shouldn't matter who you like. As long as you like them for the right reason and not to prove a point, you can like whatever you want. It's a free country!

Please, Let Me Explain...!

Ok, so many of you have seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJuuqxWwcNE  and it may have raised some questions in your heads. You may be pondering "Why on Earth would Emma subject herself to this level of humiliation?", "If she doesn't like the video, why has she put in on Facebook, YouTube and now her blog?" and some of you may even be thinking "How could she do this to me?"

Allow me to tell you what I was thinking.

The recording, as you can see, is from my twelfth Birthday party in 2007. It was a really fun day and the recording of the song itself is actually, in my obviously unbiased opinion, rather good. The video, however, is super-embarrassing, although it was quite fun to make at the time. The problem with Facebook is that I couldn't uplaod the audio recording without the video because of the formatting and the fact that I don't have/want Soundcloud.

The reason for putting the clip up in the first place should be fairly self-explanatory. Friday (19th July) was my last ever day at school and everyone else in the video is in a similar position; having just finished, or being about to finish, forever. Therefore, considering that the song is "School's Out", it seemed only logical that we should relive this amazing moment.

And anyway, it seems to have gained a highly positive (if sarcastic/ironic) response. Please don't kill me. Sorry again, but it was fun...

The Hipster Culture

Hello, today I have been painting a shed. This has given plenty of pondering time, which I have spent primarily on the concept of Hipsters. For anyone over the age of thirty, or who is not accustomed to the ways of Youth Culture and the Internet (congratulations on finding this if this is you) a hipster is a young person who deliberately goes against popular culture to stand out from the crowd. Usually, this involves wearing clothes which would look more appropriate on a pensioner and eschewing the ways of modern technology; using cassette tapes or records instead of CDs and MP3 Players.

Here is a brief educational video if you'd like to know more (be warned, it says it's clean, but it's not entirely free of rude language): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krsRqZ42lyE

Anyway, anyone who announces to others that they are a hipster is, by definition, not a hipster. Hipster culture has become an essential part of mainstream youth culture and therefore anyone who relishes the title of "hipster" is actually a mainstream try-hard.

But in my opinion, a hipster is just as bad as someone who only likes things because they're popular. Trying to stand out by liking things that nobody else cares about is ridiculous. You should like things (and listen to them, wear them, whatever) because YOU LIKE THEM!!!! What other people think of them should have no bearing on your opinion.

I mean, I like bands that I don't think people have heard of, such as Sixpence None The Richer, Violinski, AlternativA, the Flashcubes and Voice Of The Beehive or individual artists, such as Parthenon Huxley (P Hux) and Juliana Raye (I may be wrong, those bands may be quite famous. Does it matter? No!) but I don't like them because nobody else does, I like them because they're god musicians with music that makes me happy. Usually. I also like people like ELO, Queen and the Darts for the same reason, even though a large portion of their members have, sadly, now died.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that hipsters are really silly. In the same way that people who change their lifestyle to be like everyone else are silly. You should like what you like because of your personal tastes, whether that be modern, old, alternative, cheesy, popular, underground, reggae, jazz, soul, dubstep (please God no), or even Math Rock. What actually is Math Rock?

[SIDEBAR:] Thanks to Dad for reminding me of all the weird bands I like that nobody else has heard of/cares about.

Drinkies With Bernard...?

So, as you've no doubt seen from my last post, my week has been manic. But today I've been pondering why I'll miss the Concert Band so much; I mean, I go along every week and lug the bari with me. Then when I get there I get laughed at by other players, ignored by Mr Bean and angry with myself for not being better at what I do.

It's not even that hard. Especially the bari part.

And seriously, Mr Bean doesn't actually acknowledge my existence about 98% of the time. Not that I want him to turn up every week, make a beeline for me and start to talk to me like an old friend, but during rehearsals, it would be nice if I was classed as an instrument. Most of the time, I'm actually a trombone or a euphonium, occasionally I'm a saxophone and very rarely I'm just a bass, but most of the time I'm just not mentioned when he asks the part I play to practice a particular bar.

But I've been thinking, I'm really going to miss that band next year; they may be insufferable idiots at times, but they're my insufferable idiots. Even though I am quite possible the most dispensible person in the band, and everyone knows it, it's been a big part of my life to turn up for an hour and a half every Monday to sit there next to Hannah, bored out of my brains. Any other band that I'm ever in, no matter how mind-numbingly boring and tedious, will never quite be as fun without being fun, if you know what I mean. Which you probably don't.

At Concert Band, there was always the potential for a laugh, whether it be at the expense of Ben, Mr Bean or the entire percussion section. Like the time Mr Bean was losing his voice and every time he said the number "three" (which was quite a lot) he sounded like a creaky door. Or when Mr Bean spent ten minutes lecturing whoever was drumming about a rhythm which should've gone "rum dum dugga dugga dum!" but didn't. Or a couple of weeks ago when Mr Bean asked the band which famous piece of music was famous for the particular cadence we were playing and Ashley answered "Dynamite by Taio Cruz."

Nothing will be quite the same as the time we had the conversations with the rest of the band out of the windows at the back of the hotel on tour either. We must've spent about an hour with our heads out of various windows shouting the odds at each other because the teachers were patrolling the corridors. That was an excellent evening, although probably not for the teacher who found us...

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to miss all these people, although why I have no idea. It's not perfect, but it's my band. And I'll miss them. Especially my girls (and Seb.)

More Musical Adventures Of My Brain

Well hello again dear readers. Thank you very much for bearing with me in the large gap since the last post; revision, school and just life in general must, unfortunately, take priority over this blog. I've been pondering music recently because somehow it's managed to play and even bigger part than normal in my life. It's obvious to people who do a lot of bands and music that there are some very prominent stereotypes of musicians, especially those who play certain instruments. Well, in my experience, some of these are more accurate than others, so here's a list of some of the most astutely observed ones, and a couple I think could do with updating.

PERCUSSION - Almost all loud, proud and think they're God's gift, both to women (percussionists are almost all men) and to the band. The only two full-time female percussionists I've met aren't like this, but they do fit the final stereotype - amazingly proud of their instrument.

TRUMPETS - This is an interesting one. Male trumpet players (who are easily in the majority) definitely fit into the stereotype of loud, self-assured jokers. Every band has at least one trumpeter like this; thinks the world revolves around them and that they're never too loud. Female trumpet players, not that there are many - I've met four - are incredibly different from what I can tell: quiet and shy in general, but certainly loud enough when performing!!!

BASS - This is primarily aimed at bass guitarists, but can also be applied to any bass instrument or voice to be honest (including the bari sax): quiet, pensive, hairy and incredibly attractive... You can figure out if I'm joking for yourselves on that one, but personally I've always preferred lower instruments.

TROMBONES - OK, most anyone who knows me knows that I have a massive soft spot for trombones and their players, but this stereotype is actually so true as to be unreal; loud, egotistical heavy drinkers (a common theme for brass players in general) but with the added bonuses of lack of hygiene standards (spit everywhere, even on poor Sam) and a willingness to sleep with anything that moves - another one I've found to be particularly accurate (not from personal experience, worry not!)
[SIDEBAR]: Any instrument which can be pulled out in moments of boredom to form an impromptu Teddy Bears Picnic has my vote!

GUITARISTS - Everybody knows somebody who can play the guitar, and the general stereotype here is that they will whip out their geetar and give you a "tune" anywhere, anywhen. But to be honest, it's very dependent on the type of music they prefer and the person themselves. There are so many categories of music that guitars fit into that stereotypes for pop bands are different to those for big bands or folk ensembles.

SAXOPHONES (you knew it was coming) - One of the funniest stereotypes for me, saxophonist are considered laid back, casual people who are more happy to improvise than read music and would rather do solos than standard band stuff. In reality, saxophonist fall into two camps: those who fit this stereotype (Ben Vize springs to mind, and the lovely Tyler Rix) and those (like me and Hannah and people) who are perfectly happy just to play what's written and then sometimes complain when it's a little boring. So, the woodwind-like saxophonists and the ones who think they're brass players.

There are, of course, other stereotypes I could go into: string players, clarinets, oboes, flutes and so on, but I'm aware that this is becoming a very long post, so I'll limit myself to these few. Thanks for reading, I know I make absolutely no sense sometimes, but thanks for sticking with it.

 And I've meant no offence by this post, it's just an observation. I really do love you all, musical friends. Even the percussionists.

The Royal Albert Hall

Those of you who attend (or probably who have ever attended) Owen's, my school, will know that Tuesday night was the huge accumulation of this year's celebration of four hundred years of the school with the concert at the Royal Albert Hall. So of course, I am pondering that.

Now don't worry, I'm not going to go on and on about how amazing it was to be able to play/sing on such a famous stage in front of so many people, and how fantastic it was being in the Soul Band, who got the biggest cheer of the night by quite a long way. And fret not, for I don't plan to talk extensively about the school because it's quite boring. Except the balloons, that bit was cool.

What I really want to talk about is the amazing comradery which I felt between the old and "new" (I guess) Owenians last night and how amazing the atmostphere was backstage. Despite the enormous overheating in the Concert Band girls' dressing room and the constant feeling of being underground (sort of in a Churchill's-war-bunker-esque way), the morale backstage was kept really high throughout the day and practically everyone was amazingly nice. I have to make a special mention here of Ben, Ashely and George's impromtu marching band, who performed "Teddy Bear's Picnic" and "Tequila" on loop for about an hour. Really kept people smiling, guys. :)

The Old Owenians, in my experience at least, struck up a fantastic relationship with the current students. Leo, who had been roped in to play the bari sax alongside me all night was really great; he was evidently a much better player than I am (being a professional and all), but he still treated me like an equal and talked to me more in two days than the entire Soul Band did for the whole of last year.

As for the School Song at the end, well that was just beyond words. But you know me, I'll try anyway. Despite not having any music, I was on stage for the School Song; the excitement in the orchestra was massive and I think that everyone in the hall felt the same. When the brass section stood up with their hands on their hearts for the chorus, we were all in stitches. Only Seb could get away with leading something like that and live. Well, Seb and Peter...

Anyway, as Dr D said last night, Happy Birthday Owen's. And thanks everyone, for such a memorable evening.

Soul Band

My favourite people in the entire world (minus one). Except that several of this year's members (Chris, Harry, Harry, Hugo, Asa, Irene) are missing, so pretend they're there too :)

Another fantastic night last night guys, especially the choreography of the trumpets! I am going to miss you so much next year, but I'm sure you'll be glad to see the back of me (especially Jack, who has to put up with my playing at the closest range!!!)

Square One, Tom Petty

It makes me want to cry, but it also makes me feel sorry for the person in the song. So here are the words.

Had to find some higher ground
Had some fear to get around
You can't say what you don't know
Later on won’t work no more
Last time though I hid my tracks
So well I could not get back
Yeah my way was hard to find
Can't sell your soul for peace of mind

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

Try so hard to stand alone
Struggle to see past my nose
Always had more dogs than bones
I could never wear those clothes

It's a dark victory
You won and you are so lost
Told her you were satisfied
But it never came across

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

A Rediscovery

So hey, here I am again, just pottering around the contorted crevices of my brain and I've discovered and am now pondering the beautiful music of Tom Petty. I am, of course, already aware of his music; Highway Companion was actually my parents's highway companion for about a year, so every trip we went on, we would listen to it. What's more, he was also a member of The Traveling Wilburys, unquestionably the best supergroup in existence (except perhaps The Rockers, but that is an EPQ-worthy debate.)

First and foremost, Petty's voice is fantastic - it's quite rough and almost vulnerable, which makes the words of his songs so much more powerful to the listener. It's also a very distinctive voice which means that, especially in The Traveling Wilburys, his voice stands out from the likes of Roy Orbison and Jeff Lynne, whose voices are both very smooth and refined.

The second thing which makes Tom Petty's work so good are the amazing lyrics. Bob Dylan once called Tom Petty a poet, but he has always denied it. Personally, I agree with Dylan. I mean, look at this, for example:

Tried so hard to stand alone,
Struggled to see past my nose
Always had more dogs than bones;
I could never wear those clothes.

To me, those words (taken from 'Square One', from Highway Companion) are haunting and beautiful. But if you don't like that, how about this?:

So If I come to your door
Let me sleep on your floor,
I'll give you all I have and a little more.

That's the chorus to 'Down South', also from Highway Companion and not only is it some of the best writing for a song that I've ever heard (for me, it's up there with Don McLean's 'Vincent' and 'Mist On A Monday Morning' by Roy Wood) it's also something so wonderfully written that it wouldn't look out of place in an A-Level poetry analysis.

If anyone is interested, or keeping notes, I have also added Square One to my list of music which I would like at my funeral. I've posted link below, so you can see why. Also below is a link to a Web Page about some of the more well-known songs Petty has written. Thanks for reading :)



http://performingsongwriter.com/tom-petty-songs/

Commitments (not marital ones)

Over the last few months, it has struck me that a lot of my friends don't take their responsibilities as seriously as I do, so today I am pondering dedication and commitment.

Anyone who knows me will know that I do everything; Guides, Scouts, Bands, Church, Choirs, helping in classes, private tutoring, form prefecting, the EPQ, etc. etc. And I do all of these things to the best of my ability; if I say I'll be somewhere or do something, the I will try my darnedest to be there or do it (a few weeks ago, when I missed the Year Seven inter-form badminton competition I felt so guilty, especially as the Captain didn't go either) and long standing commitments, such as bands, always come first to me. Obviously, I know that other people don't take this stance and often "blow off" bands/choirs etc. for other things and I don't have a problem with that, it's their choice. But until recently, I hadn't realised how common it was.

Even people who I thought would be as dedicated to their work and extra activities as I am (people who I would deem the most reliable and moral people I've ever met) are willing to 'skive' or 'pull a sickie' on a band rehearsal or event which they think will be boring, or that they cannot be bothered with on that particular day.

To be honest, I've learnt two things from this. Firstly, I am apparently incredibly dedicated to everything compared to others (even those I thought would be less likely to miss things like that). Secondly, dedication doesn't seem to be related in any way to being a good person. This surprised me, as I've always considered that one of the things which made me a good person (perhaps actually the only thing) was that I could be relied on to do anything I was required to. But some of my closest friends and the nicest people I've ever met (including the Captain) don't need to be like that to make them good people, they are just inherently good in other ways.
Wow. Surprisingly deep.

Also, I'd like to say a massive thank you to everyone who sent me good wishes for my Birthday the other day. I'm sorry I've not been prompt in replying to any of it (social networking has not been kind to me), but I will get back to you, if I haven't already. I love you all :)

A Conundrum

Hello Beautiful People Of The Internet (and Becky)! I am here once again to tell you about the things I think about (or stuff I ponder). See what I did there?
Clever, huh?
Well, today I have a dilemma and I am not sure what to do. But I feel I have bugged my friends too much recently. So I have decided to bug the Internet for a change. Sorry :)

I had a letter from a certain University last Friday, telling me that I have been pooled by the college I applied for; that means they're still considering my application, but that my first choice college probably can't fit me in (Not very good at making that anonymous...) This is both good and bad news. It's good, because it means they want me, it's bad because they don't want me enough to offer me a place straight away. Anyway, that's not the problem. The thing is, I haven't heard back from them yet, and every day that I don't hear is another day less likely it will be a positive response. But that's not the problem either.

You see, as much as I'd really love to go to this University (it's definitely my first choice) there are several other universities which I have applied for and would be perfectly happy at, one of which (Nottingham) has offered me a conditional place. But that's where the problem lies: As much as I love Nottingham - the university is beautiful and their course (Law with German and German Law) sounds fantastic, I just fell in love with the whole package - there's one thing that's stopping me from wanting to accept the offer. If I go to Nottingham there's a very strong possibility I'll bump into a certain idiot who can't tell the difference between the words "yes" and "no".

At this point I understand that some people will be confused. Last year I was subject to the stupidity of one individual who could not tell the difference between an affirmative and negative response to what (I thought) was a very simple question. This led to quite a lot of upset on my part (obviously, because I am a girl). Recently, I asked for clarification of this misunderstanding and I was completely ignored. To be honest, this didn't bother me. The quickest way to forget everything good about someone is to be refused help when you ask politely for it. But you see how it could be awkward for me to go to Nottingham now; I think if I were to meet this person again, I might either be (accidentally) incredibly rude, or physically ill. Or punch them.

So, Internet, what do you think I should do? Is this something I should actually be worrying about?