Learning Things

Evening all.
Being the nostalgic sausage that I am, I decided to look back on the things I learnt in 2015. And they're pretty much still useful a year on. With the odd adjustment here and there, they could easily be life tips. If what you wanted to do with your life was not annoy your housemates and avoid becoming Catholic.

But I've been pondering. Many of you will have seen my last post, claiming that I didn't learn much in 2016, and it's sadly true that there were no great revelations regarding pumpkin vampires, or locking the bathroom door. But did I learn anything in 2016 that contradicts what I learnt in 2015? Time to find out:


According to my flatmate, food (specifically a kebab) is better than sex
Said flatmate still believes this, as far as I know. The kebabs really weren't that good.

It's not the ringers that smell of the tower, it's the tower that smells of the ringersStill true.

Vegan cooking can be super easyThe key word here is can. It can also reeeeeaaaally easily go super wrong....

Lock the door when you're in the bath
Since learning this, nobody has walked in on me in the bathroom.
(I may have forgotten this once or twice, but Daniel is a gentleman, and still nobody has walked in on me in the bathroom...)

Tea and sympathy get you a long way
Just make sure it's the way you want to go.

If you reach the age of 30 in north Germany without getting married, you have to sweep the steps of the Rathaus until a young lady comes along and kisses you 
Well, we're going to find out this year, when Daniel turns 30...

"If it ends in 'e' it's probably 'die'" is a lie.
Still a lie.

If you lose one of your Beavers, they are probably in the tent
Still true.

You will get on better with your friends during a four day hike than you will ever in your life again. Ever.
I still get on better with these friends than I ever did previously. I think that working together like that makes it really easy to understand people. And everything we've done since then has been easy in comparison. So, I guess we're just stuck with each other for life now.

That's it I guess. Everything else on the list is either so obviously true it doesn't need repeating, or could possibly need reassessing in the future. But for now, I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie.
This is quite a short post, but I don't really have a lot to say. I just wanted to see whether I was still learning new things.



Emmatt update: Haven't done one of these in a while because there's very little to report. Matt and I are still together (3.5 years in February), and we're still making long distance work through a combination of phone calls, texting, and total, unquestioning trust. There's a plan in the pipeline to try and move in together once I've graduated, but money (as ever) is the key thing holding us back. And anyway, who knows what things will be like in six months' time?

Things I Didn't Learn In 2016

It's that time of year again when I usually write a list of comical things I have learnt in the past twelve months. Sadly, as we all know, 2016 was not the happiest of years, either nationally, internationally, or for me personally. So I'm afraid that, whilst I learnt a lot last year, writing it all into a blog post would not be very funny, or interesting to read.
My original plan was to write a vitriolic and aggressively ironic list of "things I didn't learn in 2016", to include things like "democracy works" and "people with beards have problems", but I thought that was still rather depressing, and unhealthy way to spend my time. Instead, I am going to summarise my year in songs. Some of them are great, some of them are terrible, and at least one is the Vengaboys. I'm not sorry. I'm also sparing no apology for the fact that this is another blog post about music; music is a massive part of my life, and I wouldn't be who I am without it. Equally, I measure a lot of things by songs, so I feel it's fitting.

January: Where Were You Last Night - The Travelling Wilburys
Apart from being a fantastic song, from a band I may have been a little obsessed with last year, it includes the lines "Where were you last year? You sure as hell weren't here". I find this highly appropriate for the entire of 2016, as I was on my year abroad. Arriving back in Braunschweig after spending Christmas at home was a strange feeling, but I was glad to be back. Equally, living in Braunschweig for less than a year in total meant that I only experienced each month once. Therefore, this song seemed incredibly fitting to describe a new year in a different country.

February: We Like To Party - The Vengaboys
I suppose I should finally explain this. In February 2016, Helen and I went to visit Jordan in Dusseldorf on Karneval weekend. This was accidental great planning on our part, and we had a fantastic weekend celebrating and watching National Treasure. But, of course, this was us, so it wasn't exactly a standard Karneval weekend. We spent most of the weekend in Jordan's room playing The Vengaboys at Helen every time she walked into the room. Naturally, we went out to party in the streets with everyone else (because "we like to party"), but it was mostly an excuse to see each other.

March: Poing - Rotterdam Termination Source
This is the most ridiculous song I was introduced to last year. I have included it for March, even though I first heard in June or July, because Daniel, James and I went to the Netherlands. After a few days in Amsterdam, Daniel left us to go home to his family for Easter, and James and I travelled on to Rotterdam. We met some lovely, but mad, people in our hostel and explored the city to the best of our ability. It was a fantastic weekend, and it was fun to spend time with people I like when we weren't fighting over whose turn it was to carry the shopping, or what colour trousers Gillian should wear.

April: The Battle Hymn of the Republic - William Steffe
"He jumped without a parachute from forty thousand feet, And he ain't gonna jump no mo-oo-oore." Or something like that. There needed to be a hymn in this list somewhere, because I have relied heavily on my relationship with God over the last twelve months; praying for everything from my family to the future of the world. I flew back to the UK for two different Queen's Scout Award ceremonies last April, including the parade for St George's Day at Windsor Castle, where we sang a heavily altered version of this. It was fantastic, but a massive disappointment as far as meeting famous people was concerned. Some old lady had her birthday that weekend, so lots of people were busy.

May: Vienna - Ultravox
Guess where I went in May?
Indeed, I did go to Austria with Jordan, and we did stay in the capital city. We went on the fantastically named Christi Himmelfahrt, which is another Bank Holiday that we don't have in England. Sadly, Helen got glandular fever/mono (HAHAHAHAHAAAAA) and couldn't come (sad). But Jordan and I still went and hung out with Emily who came back to Vienna to see us for the weekend. Spending time with people who have no expectations except having a bit of a moan about the state of the world and the poor module choices for fourth year was really enjoyable. And we didn't sing the Vengaboys for the entire weekend either, so not having Helen there was just the gift that kept on giving...

June: Just - Radiohead
Ugh.
I couldn't write a list of music that influenced 2016 without mentioning Radiohead, sadly. They had a new album out in the summer last year, which I am informed by a Radiohead fan (such things exist) is really good. Personally, I thought it sounded like sentimental teen rubbish. So instead of making anyone suffer through it, I am putting Just in this list, as it is half decent, and doesn't fade into the background of "meh" that tends to encompass Radiohead for me.
I apologise to anyone who actually likes Radiohead, but I am almost entirely indifferent to their music.

July: Over London Skies - Orchestra
"Another Goodbye Airport" faced me in July, as I moved out of my flat in Braunschweig for good, and left behind a life I truly miss. For a while, I thought my sentimentality was for a version of myself that couldn't be replicated, and friends I didn't want to lose. Six months down the line, I realise that neither of these is quite true. Life in Braunschweig allowed me to be a proper grown up for the first time, and I really did make some fantastic friends that I wish I could see more often. But I really do miss Germany. There are just some intrinsically German things that I wish I could get back to. I'll go back one day.

August: Ms Jackson - Outkast
Blame Matt. He is to blame for this terrible, terrible choice. And for the singing you've all had to endure since I came back to uni.
This song. Right. This song.
It's so funny if you sing the lyrics in the cartoon to the tune of the song. And if I were even a little bit sorry for singing "I AM FOUR EEEEELS" at all hours of the day to poor, unsuspecting Declan, then I would "apologise a trillion times" to my housemates, my neighbours, Matt and everyone else who's been subjected to this.

September: The Boys Are Back In Town -Thin Lizzy
OK, so number one, this is an amazing song. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably likes Radiohead. Lame.
Secondly, I came back to uni in November. It was great to see all my wonderful friends again, as well as Ute the Tutor and the other remaining German Department staff (of which there were about three.) I'd love to say that I felt at home coming back to Nottingham, as if I actually belong here. That would be a total lie. However, I do feel like this is my place. Nobody can make me feel like I don't belong here. I think it's just because I know the place so well. I have a right to be here.
Plus everyone got back from their years abroad at the same time. So, you know, "The boys are back in town".

October: California Man - Roy Wood
In October I met Roy Wood. I wrote about it on this blog, and it was really the highlight of the month. He was a very pleasant man, and he signed a copy of our painting. I wasn't sure which song to include from Roy, so I've included this one for two reasons. One: I am reclaiming it. Two: It's the opening to the set, as you can see in the video, and it really psyches the audience up for the rest of the show. Even though Roy himself is actually from Birmingham, you really feel like he means it when he sings. And sometimes you just have to think "I don't care if my legs start aching" and do it anyway! Plus, you know, amazing saxophones.

November: Heaven Can Wait - Meat Loaf

Same.

Matt is to blame for this one as well, I'm afraid. In November, Matt found out that the Bat Out Of Hell musical is on stage in the West End next year, so we're going to see it because I love Meat Loaf and Matt is the best boyfriend ever. The reason I have chosen this, rather than something like Paradise By The Dashboard Light or something is because November was quite difficult for me, and I listened to this song a lot. But I also went to Oxford and saw Alice and Ben and David, and that was awesome, because they are all clearly so happy, and that's such a lovely thing to see.
Another reason is that I look like (long-haired) Meat Loaf when I wear a suit sometimes. It's like we're soulmates. Except that he's American.

December: Rabbit - Chas N Dave
In December I saw Roy Wood in concert again. To be honest, it was a little boring, seeing the same set twice in two months. I went with Jordan, and I think both of us were more excited to see Chas and Dave, who were also performing live. Unfortunately, Chas and Dave only performed about three songs, which was not enough for us. But we still had a lovely time, and visited the Birmingham Christmas Market at the same time.

So that's it I guess. Obviously, there are more songs I could mention, but I don't want to.
Happy "new" year. I hope this has been more interesting that me grumbling on...

Put Your Arms Around the World

In recent weeks I've been told off several times for "throwing [my]self at fully grown men." Despite this making me sound like some sort of seductive temptress who lures married men away from their innocent, loving wives, the reality is simpler, and less sordid. Far from being cast as the femme fatale in this little skit I am, in fact, being described as childish. But, never one to take criticism too seriously (haha, yeah right) I've not let this deter me, and I'm carrying on doing my thing. Haters gonna hate and all that.

Everyone who knows me is aware that I am, when appropriate, a very tactile person. In fact, I've even written about it on this blog. It's no big secret, I like hugs. It's how I make and greet friends, how I say goodbye; it's how I show thanks, or apologise; it's how I show sympathy or tell someone that I'm sorry they're having a bad time. I even hug people to put my magical healing properties into action.

At work over the summer I made many new friends and renewed some old acquaintances. I also found in Other Dan (Fleabag Monkeyboy) someone who is as tactile and friendly as I am. Which was amazing. And, after some discussion about friends and handling interpersonal relationships, hugging became part of our daily communication. (The same can be said for Dan, who also willingly jumped on the hug wagon - often taking it a little too far...)

Seeing old friends after a long time apart has also led to much encircling of people in arms recently, as I have returned to my "spiritual home" (intellectual home? part-time home? who knows?!) in Nottingham after more than a year away. Seeing Declan and Tom led to more grasping of fully grown men into welcoming and friendly death grips/embraces in the kitchen, the street, the cinema, and the bus stop. Even Lewis, who I saw in March on a fleeting trip round Braun Town, was (willingly) subjected to a cuddle in the middle of the Clive Granger Building. Not that I had much choice; his arms are so long he'd have hugged me from the end of the corridor...
Of course, seeing Emily, Chloe and Helen, my former TEAM from Abbey Road (or what normal people call "housemates"), again after so long also called for hugs! Especially after Chloe had actually worked out who I was. However, they are not grown men, so their mention in this blog is only honorary.

Last weekend I also did my share of hugging when I wasn't being the Super Scout Translator. I spent the weekend in Viernheim with my wonderful DPSG friends, and Paul and Nicole from Potters Bar. Seeing Gabi always calls for a hug; ditto Markus, who is about as full grown and male as it gets. Other friends, who I only got to know at the weekend, were not greeted with hugs, but were still cuddled close to my healing chest upon departure, meaning I left with more hugs than I arrived with! In fact, I wasn't even the cuddliest person on the weekend trip; the two young daughters of Paul and Nicole's hosts were far cuddlier than I during my time in Viernheim last week. We were, in the most literal sense, welcomed into the bosom of the family.

There are, naturally, many people I haven't had the chance to hug recently too. The most obvious to me are members of my family, including my grandparents (and Jean, of course. She counts), Auntie Margaret, and various aunts, uncles, cousins, and Victorian swimsuit models. There are lots of friends I haven't seen for a long time, too, including most of my old Owen's pals, who I seemed to always miss seeing over the summer. I'll hug them all soon. Then of course there are the people who are too far away, such as Daniel, Doreen, Sammi, Crowdy... The list is practically endless.

So in conclusion, a good, healthy hug is perfectly OK. There is nothing bad about expressing friendship through physical contact (except in a Scout leader/Explorer context, which is sad. But Teej is 18 now at least!), so the haters can shut up. Bad haters. Don't you have something important to be doing? Like researching Charles Taylor or something? Jeez.
Of course, respecting boundaries is important, and it's a pain when someone gets all up in your grill. But in general, throwing yourself at fully grown men is a perfectly acceptable pastime. And far better than throwing yourself at, for example, brick walls. Or tubas. Or poisonous snakes.

Anyway, Rachel wants dinner, so I'd better stop writing now!

Leaving Europe

(In which Brexit will not be discussed.)

Stevan: I think I understand why you don't want to leave Germany.
Me: Go on...
Stevan: Well, if we both know then there's no point in prattling on about it, is there?

So guess what I'm going to prattle on about?
But there's more to my pondering than just the obvious. Of course, like any person who lives somewhere for more than a few months, I've built myself a life here in Braunschweig, and leaving this, my first totally independent year, is not going to be easy. But I've known that for months. It's not just the fact that I'll be going home to a much more sheltered life that's getting me down.

In the last year I have, in one way or another, dealt with almost every serious life event. This year hasn't been simple by any means. I've come into contact with moving, making new friends, missing old friends, long distance relationships, language barriers, cultural barriers, starting a new job, moving away form friends, losing weight, commuting, fixing a bike, learning to bake for vegans, University Challenge, Americans, illness in the family, personal illness, inability to travel due to illness*, flight delays, dream jobs*, retirement*, graduation*, realising your dream job isn't*, operations*, important birthdays, writing a book, break ups*, Austria, totally seeing Jeff Lynne in concert like legit for real oh my gosh it was amazing, homesickness*, international travel, drunk people (Drunk Daniel is Best Daniel), enormous upheaval back home in the shape of most of my favourite lecturers leaving/being unceremoniously chucked from their jobs, missed dreams*, a pregnancy scare*, promotions*, marriage*, lost passport*, socks and sandals**, driving a Trabant, quitting smoking*, failing to quit smoking*, alcoholism*, Christmas dinner, growing plants*, insomnia, Buddhist monks, enormous political upheaval, Donald Trump*, musicals about being saved from a curse by leg warmers, Americans in vests*, stag/hen dos*, religion, Creepy Sauna Guy*, gender reassignment surgery*, beard(s)*, and really bad cups of tea.

In fact, the only life events I haven't really dealt with this year are births and deaths (thank goodness!)
So you see, a lot has happened in the last twelve months, and Braunschweig means a lot more to me than just friends and familiarity!

If you see anything I've missed in this list, I'd be very pleased to add it!

*not mine
**reeeeeeaaaaaaally not mine!!!!

Full and Brutally Honest Review of the NUA 2014

When I left home on Friday, my housemate said, “Have a good time. And I hope that things don’t get too bad when you inevitably end up in A and E.” Fortunately, NUSCR’s trip to NUA 2014 stopped just short of a trip to the hospital…

After several hours of train travel, highly scorched burgers and some overpriced pints, Tall Chris, Short Chris, Esther Chris and myself (Chris) followed a couple of total strangers for half an hour, arriving at a church hall; picked for the weekend’s accommodation for the sole reason of being totally inappropriate. Having been reunited with some old friends, and immediately capturing some new ones, NUSCR asked the fundamental question: “Where’s the booze?”, embarking on what turned into an hour-long beer quest which showed us just how far from any form of civilisation we were. Fortunately, New Friend Hannah took this welcome opportunity to reveal her hidden superpower to locate Co-Ops. (Unfortunately, said “convenience” store had just shut. Points for trying, though!) Friday night was otherwise quite a standard affair, involving much drinking, chatting, and Plain Hunt on Beer before falling asleep on a floor which may have been even less comfortable than anything I have ever slept on before, including Ross.

Saturday started early, with an English breakfast and copious amounts of throat-meltingly strong tea. We arrived at our first tower in St Nicholas in Kenilworth (after what seemed like a year on the bus) where, after a short wait, we successfully rang some rounds. Our next stop was at All Saints in "the Bell Ringing capital of Europe" (don't ask me, ask Helen!) Leamington Spa. After yet another bus ride, we finally arrived in Warwick itself and rang briefly at St Mary's, before embarking on yet another epic bus ride, to Stratford-upon-Avon, where we met Lucy and IPM Dan in (where else?) a pub, before "we" (Chris and our new friends from BUSCR) rang at Holy Trinity Church, described as the best tower of Saturday. The rest of stayed at the pub, and so missed out on that one, what a shame! The final tower of the day was Lillington (where I actually did some ringing!!!) and another tedious bus journey brought us back to base just about, but not quite, in time for dinner. 

And a ceilidh. 

Why didn't I heed the ceilidh warnings? 

We (including Becks and Phill, who deigned us with their presence just after dinner) spent the evening flinging each other around the room as hard and as fast as we could. I swear, I have never had so much fun being disregarded by multiple men. The funniest bit for the spectators was probably Short Chris throwing Becks to the ground and then stomping on her hair, which he maintains was an accident. Yeah, right. As for the dancing, whilst I thoroughly enjoyed Baskets and Strip the Willow (look it up, kids), I actually much preferred the dances where my feet were primarily on the ground; bouncing around the hall on the arm of one Chris or another was enough for me, thank you! This merriment finished at around eleven, having started relatively soon after dinner, giving us many an hour of merriment. Naturally, after this, everyone just stayed up chatting for as long as we could hold our own drinks and ended up in bed shortly before sunrise on Sunday.

Sunday morning was a little more relaxed, as the first church of the day was very nearby at All Saints in Allesley, where a nice man with the key to the bell tower recommended that we try a small local tower with a 300-weight six, which was not on our route. So, naturally, we went off-tour to check it out. Right decision. This tower was described by several people as the best of the weekend, missed by everyone except NUSCR and SUGCR. Personally, I was in no position to comment, having only rung three towers that weekend, and only one other tower ever. How do you even decide what a nice tower is? Unless, like Short Chris at St Nicholas, you have real trouble keeping it up. Most of NUSCR somehow managed to miss the next tower in Stoke, when Phill accidentally drove into Debenham's*, and turned up to the pub early enough for a second breakfast. After a very close call involving a BUSCR member who had to have her legs over her head for quite a while (and not in a good way) in the pub at lunchtime we finally turned up at Coventry Cathedral Tower to ring the final bells of the tour. The Coventry experience also included the opportunity to watch the bells from above, as well as a tour of the amazing bombed-out ruins of the old cathedral, opportunities taken up by many.

NUSCR’s tour ended with five consecutive train journeys to different places, all aiming to get us home to showers (not necessarily our own) and bed. Having essentially been tricked into coming on the NUA, I'm incredibly glad that I was; it has been one of the best experiences of my life, with some of the nicest people I have ever met (and Chris). Having joined Bell Ringing Society on a whim, I have come to the conclusion that it's quite possibly one of the best decisions I have ever made, even if more time is spent at the pub than in the tower(!)

*Phill's driving was not (as Short Chris expected) sufficiently bad enough that we actually ended up parked in the lingerie department of Debenham's, more that we turned into an accidental multi-storey and were too lazy to drive out again.

Sorry It's Been So Long

Hey guys, sorry it's been such a long time since my last post, I've had exams and goodness knows what else.
If anyone out there in Internetland is still reading this, here is a quick rundown of the last few months:

- Exams. I had four, I think. They were so long ago I've forgotten. For these, I had some short questions (what the history students call) "gobbets";  reciting chunks of information on automatic recall, some grammar questions and several essays and overall I was happy with the way they went.
- End of term preparations and celebrations, including the URN Boat Party, as well as various other bits. Possibly my favourite part of the last few months, as this included visits from my Grandad and his friend Jean, and Matt, the aforementioned Boat Party and several meals out and meeting ups with various people.
- Results. Happily, I passed my first year at uni with a good enough average for me not to be disappointed in myself. Thankfully, this means I'll be back in September in fabulous Nottingham!
- New House. We moved into our new student digs for next year at the beginning of July. As expected, some work needs to be done to make it home, but a trip to Lidl went some way to improving things...
- Phatpocket. Once again I return to work under the "watchful" (absent) eye of Scott, and am merrily reunited with my friends and colleagues, including the elusive Dannii, who returns for another summer. And Matt, of course. He's there too.

So my main pondering for this post, given the changes that have occurred since the last one, and the fact that I'm sitting in the departure lounge of Heathrow, is travel. It's strange how we often describe life as a journey, but so many of us spend the majority of it in one place. Whilst it is not the most ecologically friendly thing to do, I fully believe that people become fuller and more well rounded individuals through travelling and experiencing different cultures and societies. It really does change your perspective of things, even if only in a small way.

However, now that I'm going through what I'm sure I will consider one of the greatest transitions periods of my life (when I look back in years to come), I'm beginning to realise what people mean by "the journey of life". You may well spend your time on this planet all in one place, but that doesn't mean you don't travel incredibly far from what you have been.

Especially in a time when, as a young adult (and I don't mean that in the patronising way parents and teachers always use it, I mean it in its most literal sense) things such as bill paying and part-time employment have entered my sphere of consciousness. It's easy to forget that things some people take for granted, such as setting up utilities accounts, travelling by means other than one's own feet or parent taxi, and deciding whether or not our house actually needs a TV licence under the current confusing guidelines, especially if you're old enough to have been doing those things for ten, twenty, or even thirty years. When you step onto that path, it really is a new and confusing world, and probably one of the biggest ways in which we travel as we mature in the "journey" of life.

Thanks for listening to my semi-philosophical, semi-confused-and-talking-to-myself ramble. Hopefully it won't be as long until the next post. I wonder if anyone is still reading this anyway?

The End of "Stuff..."?

Hello Internet folks, I am currently pondering a dilemma and I wonder if you can help. (Although, given your usual level of response to this blog, I am not holding out much hope!) It's not a big problem to be honest, quite the opposite, but it may mean the end of this blog forever...

You see, my problem is that I don't actually seem to have any problems right now.

I have a job which, although it's not the best job in the world, I'm earning money from. And sure, it's kind of boring and the pay's not as good as it could be, but any job which you can do with minimal qualifications will be boring and, given that I'm not entitled to minimum wage, I actually earn more than I would in a bar or in most shops. Plus everyone is really nice which, for me, is more important than the work itself. And it's not like I'm even just saying that; literally everyone is nice.

There's Graham, who works for "the agency" (dun dun duuuun) but is planing on going full time. Graham has been really nice to me since I started working there, but his jokes are awful! Then there's Dannii, who only works a couple of days a week, but is absolutely lovely and I always spend too much time talking to her because she's so interesting. Also prescanning is Caroline who, although she seems lovely, I haven't had much chance to get to know, but she's always so happy and smiley. In my recent job development, I've been working more closely with Mark (who wants to join the army) and Richard (who wants to be a Social Worker/Social Work teacher, but works doing whatever he can whilst he's waiting to get the job he wants.) Mark and Richard are both great guys, although they do sometimes talk a little loudly, especially about things which should probably not be repeated here. And the army. Then, of course, there's Chloe and Anya. When the Boss isn't around, Chloe and Anya effectively run the joint; they are in charge of all the admin, all the orders, paying everyone, running meetings and making sure everyone knows what's going on. They're amazing at what they do, even if I annoy them sometimes. Then there's Matt...

I think Matt deserves a paragraph to himself. As most of you will have seen, Matt is my fantastic new boyfriend. Yes, we are that nauseating couple. No, we don't mind. Yes, we know how awful we are, but it's OK because Becky, who is terrified of inter-personal relationships says we're not just that couple, because we're also funny together. Errr, yay?

So, as you see, there is nothing for me to write whiny blog posts about any more. Does this mean the end of "Stuff I Ponder"??!?!?!?!?!

Well, in a word, "no." Weird and wonderful stuff is still guaranteed to happen in my life; I'm still doing the scouting (we've got the Beach Weekend this weekend) and I'm about to head off to Uni, which should provide many an interesting story. Plus, with a boyfriend in tow, there'll even be someone to share it with!

P.S. Good luck Mark for today and tomorrow!

My New Job

PhatPocket. It's such an American name. Which makes sense, because the manager (and owner, as far as I can tell) is American. So, as many of you know, I got a new job recently. Therefore I have been pondering it.

My job itself is incredibly weird. I'm a PreScanner, which means that I arrive at 9.30 and spend five minutes or so piling books onto my desk in about six stacks, each about two foot high, then I scan them all into a computer programme or, if they're old enough not to have barcodes, I enter the ISBN number by hand. The programme tells me whether the book should be accepted by the company to sell on or not. If the book is accepted then I have to judge its condition (good, very good, acceptable, library or non-library etc.) and put it on the relevant shelf. If the books are rejected by the system, then they're thrown in the recycling (literally thrown, it's great fun) or put in a box for the School Aid charity in Africa.

Alternatively, it seems to be an actual company policy that books which would otherwise be thrown away can be taken home if we want them for ourselves.

As a first job, this is both excellent and crazy at the same time; unlike many employers, PhatPocket don't take advantage of the fact that under 22 year olds aren't required to receive minimum wage and pay everyone equally. What's more, the job is the perfect balance of sitting at a desk all day and strenuous physical exercise; every so often a new crate of books is required, or the bins have to be moved, or we have to get a new trolley to fill with books, all of which are quite laborious jobs.

Other hilarious aspects of the job include some of the stories told by my co-workers (most of which involve drinking), and the day we had a huge amount of frogs in the warehouse. Being on a farm, there is a high chance of escaping wildlife; a lamb apparently got into the warehouse in the spring. A few weeks ago I arrived at work to be told that there were baby frogs everywhere and that I should be incredibly careful where I trod. This then led to a mass exodus of tiny frogs from the warehouse to the pond and a lot of watching where I walked for the rest of the day.

Frogs apart, Margaret is the funniest thing to have happened in my time working at PhatPocket.  When conditioning the books we often find interesting and questionable things being used as bookmarks. The most notable of these was a plain brown envelope simply addressed to "Margaret". Although not that outstanding in itself, this envelope and what it has grown to represent have changed our lives forever. Margaret has become a cult figure at work; one of the men has considered leaving his wife for her and everyone has been accused of secretly being Margaret as a cunning ruse. On Friday we found an actual address for (probably a different) Margaret and we are planning to send her a letter in the near future.

There is so much more to tell you, including the 11:00 read, the collection of "That's not my..." books and how scary Mark is, but this post is becoming unbearably long and there'll be time for it all in another update on my life. Suffice to say that I am (somehow) enjoying my new, quite boring, job and I look forward to the next several weeks of my working life. Primarily because the other benefits of this new job are excellent, but more about them another time... ;)

The Explorer Expedition

So, I said I'd fill you in on what's going on in my massively busy and stressful life. As I'm not sure where I stand on the whole talking-about-things-at-work thing, based on the Official Secrets Act and MI5 and whatever, I think I'll start by pondering the Splorer Expedition.

It was AMAZING!!! We spent a lot of time walking and using buses and some time on the train. The idea was that we would plan and arrange everything ourselves; transport, route, time-keeping and accounting and set up a Geocache route around the Cinque Ports at the same time. (By the way Jack, have you sorted that yet?)

(Can't remember if I've said this on here before but for those of you who haven't heard of Geocaching, it's a worldwide treasure hunt set up using GPS systems to find little caches, or boxes, which have notebooks in to allow people to sign to say they've been there. Some of the caches also have little presents or toys in them, but the rule is "if you take something, leave something of equal value." If you'd like more info on Geocaching, you can check out www.geocaching.com - the official website for this stuff.)

Anyhoo, where was I?... Oh yes, the Expedition. Well there was a lot of walking, which we actually quite enjoyed (except MatT) and also a fair amount of being filmed and pretending to be intelligent by saying big words. And half of us were French for a bit. But that can wait until after the first official showing at the AGM in a couple of weeks.

Another integral part of the Expedition was using the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch light railway. It's a small railway, unsurprisingly, which runs through from Dungeness to Hythe and back. We all managed to squeeze into a tiny carriage with all our massive kits. Then we sang "the wheels on the train go round and round", followed by "the wheels on the Pip go up and down" (don't ask, just don't.) The journey from Dymchurch to Hate, the bit we did, was through some lovely countryside and went past some interesting sheep. However, the best part of the journey for me was definitely being told to "stop the church music" by MatT and having to explain to him that it was actually ABBA...

Of course, other stuff did happen; Pip tried to kill us all in a huge explosion, Jess's legs became hugely stripy like... Well, like a very stripy thing and, between them, Greg and Rachel managed to drag us up a hill, through some bushes and into a barbed wire fence. We also made friends with some nice people in McDonalds and watched as Greg, Rachel and James tried to freeze themselves to death by paddling. However, I really don't have space to write about all these things here.

As you can see, it was a really great couple of days and we are going back to Dymchurch for the Beach Weekend in September because we loved the area so much.

An Eclectic Selection

Hello dear readers, I'm terribly sorry that my updates have not been forthcoming. I blame a combination of work, holiday, hiking and forgetting. I will briefly outline what I've done and what I plan to update the blog saying in this post because I've pondered so much recently. After this post, I'd like you to pretend that the things I'm talking about have just happened, rather than having happened between a week and three weeks ago.

So, in the last few weeks I've got a job with an online book selling company called PhatPocket (yeah, I know.) This has led me to meet many interesting people, find many... err... interesting books (including "Walls and Fences"), getting my first payslip and working in a warehouse full of frogs (all will be revealed, worry not!!!) Working in a real "office" environment, i.e. somewhere that isn't someone else's front room, has shown me both the joys and pains of the work force; half-hour lunch breaks are both a blessing and a joy. It's also a very strange combination of strenuous exercise and sitting in one place for hours on end; moving books around and then sitting scanning them for ages means that I've not really become accustomed to solid desk work.

On top of that, there was the Explorer Expedition which was, ooooh, about two weeks ago now. We started in Hastings and hiked/got buses/used the RHDR to get to Sandwich four days later. It was an excellent trip all around and highlights include Jess's stripy legs, Jack trying to kill dune bugs and ending up killing Greg in the process, Greg getting us lost and Rachel trying to make us climb through barbed wire, trying to explain the pelvis to James, and Phoebe. Just Phoebe. As before, more details to come.

Since then James, Rachel, Louise, Craig, Josh, Adam and Adele helped at the Holiday Club (run by all the church regulars and the Reverend Sandra) at the church for several days but, since I was working, I couldn't go with them. However, I was able to go to the Bring and Share lunch, although they didn't actually let me bring anything to share. It was a highly enjoyable lunch though and I'm glad I went and saw everyone and had a nice chat to my lovely church friends.

Following this was the family holiday to Yorkshire for eight days. Yorkshire is a beautiful place and if you've never been there then I highly recommend it for a holiday or longer. For me, Yorkshire is the perfect balance between country and seaside, the two best elements of Britain, with enough town aspects for someone like me (someone who isn't a massive fan of the metropolitan scene) not to get bored too quickly. Plus, their accents are beautiful. For the first two nights of our holiday we were staying at Wood House Farm in Westow near York ( http://www.wood-house-farm.co.uk/ .) From Monday night onwards we were staying at Station House, Cloughton - somewhere between Whitby and Scarborough - ( http://cloughtonstation.co.uk/ ,) which is also a tearoom. Both of these places do deserve proper write-ups, but I will do these another time.

Finally this evening, whilst waiting for a rerun of New Tricks to start on the cable channel Alibi, I stumbled across half a documentary (well, a documentary which was halfway through when I found it) about Meat Loaf. The singer, not the food - how sad do you think I am? More specifically, it was a documentary about "Bat Out Of Hell", possibly one of the best albums of all time. If you haven't heard it before, I implore you: please, please, PLEASE do yourself a favour and listen to it. It really is amazingly good.

Explorers

Today I find myself with a free half an hour and very little to do. Over lunchtime I have been pondering the Explorer Meeting that Jess and I have planned for tomorrow night. It's epic. So I think I'll write about it.

The evening is called "Confessions" and is a partially group-organised, partially surprise meeting based on embarrassment and getting to know each other a little better. So far the planning is going quite well, but my co-conspirator, Jess, has GCSE exams this week, which she has to take into account in her role in the planning. Fortunately, I have been able to take over from most of the planning she is unable to now do and she is preparing another activity instead, which will take less time (hopefully).

So, to get you started, I have posted a couple of embarrassing pictures which come up when you search "Cuffley Explorer Scout Unit" in Google Images. The above one is Mr Robbie Williams himself (Teej) with Broke The Goat, on one of the rides at Southend. The one opposite is some crazy fool, who thought it would be a good idea to dance like a teapot in a kebab shop. Honestly...

Finally, this is a picture from the Southend trip of another one of our Explorers riding a pink elephant whilst carrying Broke. (You can't say we're not diverse in our madness!)

Scout Group Family BBQ

Howdy folks! As a true Brit, I was hoping to open this blog post with a polite comment about the weather, but it's so changeable at the moment that whatever I write will be wrong. Plus, I'm not sure what I would write anyway, as it is both sunny and cold at the moment. Anyhoo. Today I am pondering the Group Family BBQ on Sunday; it should be fun, if the weather holds up (or at least, doesn't chuck down).

There are several reasons for me pondering this topic. The first is the number of people who appear to be going without their families. Whilst I understand that some people's families are embarrassing (mine more than most), that's no reason not to drag them along to a Scout event. And if you've got a big family, even better! There'll be more people to laugh at/with. It is a FAMILY event and thus you should at least ASK your family if they want to come! (If your brother is hot, you should make him come. Of course, I'm not thinking about anyone in particular... *cough* Pip *cough*)

Secondly, I'm hoping that Gabi and Markus, our German friends (from Germany, because they're just totally awesome like that) will still be in the country on Sunday (I can't remember when they go home) so as to part-take in our "fantastic" British Grillfest. Except that it will be nowhere near as good as a Grillfest, and we're probably more likely to call it a "sausagefest", which gives entirely the wrong idea.

Finally, the Bro Code. I'm not sure how many of my one reader actually know about the Bro Code, so I'll explain. TBC is based on a legen(wait for it)dary tome which is frequently cited in the American Sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" and is (by all accounts except his own) written by Barney Stintson, an infamous (fictional) playboy. I recently bought a copy of this book for myself and one for a friend for her Birthday, and we and the rest of the 'Splorers are planning to live by it for as long as we possibly can (we're all terrible at it, none of us can drive and we all get topless in front of each other sometimes, but only when camping). But we will be upholding this code at Sunday's festivities.

So, that's why I'm excited/pondering the Scout BBQ on Sunday. Not particularly interesting I know, but hey - you didn't have to read it :)

As always, you can follow me on Twitter at @EmPernilla for more random wafflings.
Much love xx

Rain

Hey guys, I don't know how many people are still reading this, it seems to have been a bit of a five-minute wonder. But, in true Scoutist fashion, I shall continue regardless. As the weather has been (as Peter Andre/Jason described it) "hormonal" recently, it has been raining patchily for the last several months. Some much for summer! And therefore my ponderances have been mostly water-based.

Rain may not be the first choice of weather for fishermen, campers, festival goers, lovers of shorts, naturists etc. however, I have come to believe that it is wonderfully good for the natural world (flora, not fauna - obviously it has affected the migration patterns and breeding seasons for loads of animals). I am convinced that this summer there is even more plant growth than normal; trees are greener, grass is higher and thicker (and less dead) and because of the rain, there is a lot less pollen around, which means that hay fever sufferers such as myself are free to explore and discover nature without exploding every three seconds.

Secondly, there's the Gemütlichkeit of it all. Sorry, but there really isn't a word in English that's suitable; if you type it into Google Translate, it'll come up as "cosy", but I think it's more than that. To me, Gemütlichkeit is more like that feeling you have when you're inside (probably snuggled up in bed, or by a fire with a blanket) and it's chucking it down with rain outside and you feel so snug, like you never want to move again. That's the wonderful thing about rain, you feel safe (as long as your not out in it). This still happens at camp, because the rain is really loud on the tent (as long as your tent doesn't leak, it's fine), but it's colder in the morning. And, as anyone who was at Gilwell24 last weekend will testify (Pencil Guy, Liz, Sammi, MatT, Josh, Ollie, Martha etc), the actual participating in activities, unless that activity is mud-sliding, becomes a lot less possible...
You just don't get the same feeling of snug-cosiness when it's boiling hot in the summer - lying on top of your duvet, failing to sleep and needing to get up for a drink every twenty minutes doesn't exactly give you that same experience...

And yes, there is an element of Schadenfreude in there [for those of you who've never come across the most fantastic word Schadenfreude, it's the concept of "pleasure from the pain of others", the Germans have a word for it :-)] - the idea of being cacooned inside, wrapped up with your big thick book and a cup of tea whilst the rest of the world is experiencing this torrential downpour on their heads, makes you feel quite good (unless you have a Tom and Jerry Christmas moment...)

Don't tell me you've not seen "Tom and Jerry; The Night Before Christmas"?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Right! Next post...

Cubs - An Advancement Of Ponderances

OK, I have thought about this long and hard (yes, I am aware how funny you find the words "long" and "hard" to be when put together. Grow up) about the whole Cub Leader thing and I think I might like to be a Cub leader actually. Think about it; you get super powers (see previous post about Cub Camp), and Cubs always do exactly what you ask them to (unlike Scouts, who are total beaches once they reach about twelve). Plus, you get to do all sorts of awesome crafts and nature walks and schtuff which, if you tried that with Scouts, they'd get bored. But you can still do awesome games and activities such as Wide Games, because they're old enough to understand and appreciate them.

My other plan is to help with Explorers, because (let's face it) Explorers are the reason for living; they're practically adults when they get to that age and they've (normally) got over the argumentative, rude streak (well, OK, no. But they've learnt to control it by that time). Plus, you can be so much more adventurous with their activities, such as Gilwell24 and random nights away, which is awesome. Plus, you can treat them like people and become almost like proper friends with them.

And by that time I'll be living with the rest of the current Splorers, minus Andrew probably - he's not overly liberal - and I'll need something fun to do with them. Somehow I highly doubt that I will ever get married in this hypothetical world; who'd want to live with me when I spend all my free time Scouting, apart from other Scoutists? Unless I marry another Scout/Cub/Splorer/Beaver Leader, which would solve a lot of problems, as I hope that, if I get married, I can have children and raise them in the Scouting religion (I'm pretty sure this is what happened in my family; my parents married and "what happened in the tent (i.e. me) stayed in the tent"). This is a lovely image.

Plus, you know, I don't have a career plan at the moment, so doing something like this will make me feel good. Volunteering makes everyone happy, right?

Splorers: My Real Homies (Or Something)

'Allo Darleeengs. Today I am pondering the Splorers, who are perhaps my homies, besties, and the coolest people I know who I don't share the Common Room, or the lounge room at Church, with (Sorry guys, I have to put in that disclaimer).

Currently, our Explorer Scout Unit consists of:

• Andrew Wilhem Nigel Marshall
• Elizabeth Gillaaay Concertina Sartori
• Emily Rupertia Alfonz Young
• Me
• Jacktopher Arnold Maria Coleman
• Jessiqua Juan Wendy Kraushaar
• Joshua Irene Callum Roper
• MatThew Icecreamcone Raccoon Weller
• Oliver Nancy Margaret Brossi
• Philip Pippin Gorgeous Collis
• Phoebekins Noel Philanthropist Neal
• Rebecca Jayne (BJ) Tyrannosaurus (BT) Harvey
• Rossington Goatbreaker Toasteroven Staunton III
• Samantha Post Office Theodora Watts

And the Leaders consist of:

• Beardy McBeardson Bedwell
• Special Steve Bicyclist Motorcop Rowsell
• Pete von Petey Pete Pete Slugdance Cracknell
• Lovely Likeable Leedley Leeeeeee 
• Diane and Pam, The Logical errr, Man(?)

They are beautiful, and I very love them much. They should all be awarded with awards and shiz for recognition. And we recently got a reverse TARDIS. It says "Blue Box" on it and it's bigger on the outside. We're gonna put mirrors on the ceiling for Becky and Ross...