If Songs Were Friends

Or if friends were songs...

I like music and friends. The two don't usually like each other (Daniel is still getting over "One 4 Xmas" by HotPantz), but I like both. Therefore I'm spending my time linking my friends with certain songs. See the list below...

Alice has to be represented by something we sang in the choir together. Heaven knows what, because we sang so much! I think I can narrow it down to a song from the Albert Hall concert, but that still leaves five choices. Or does it? Well, considering that the other two options are the School Song and Gold, yes. Yes it does. So it has to be the iconic Werner Song, Mercy Street. Nice one, Simon ;)

Harri, on the other hand, has never been quite as musical as some of my other friends. Apart from stating a total dislike for ELO (whose most popular song they once retitled "The day my cat killed your grandma with a toaster"), nothing really stands out about Harri's music tastes in my memory. Except that one Chemistry lesson, where we sang "GOLD! Always recycle your knees" to poor Mr Jays... But for a period in the lower school, they did like the Jam, so I suppose I always associate Harri with Eton Rifles.

Elizbeth is a difficult one. I have very fond memories of her shouting at her iPod "But WHERE did you end up Amy?! Oh yes, that's right - REHAB!" Then of course, there's the possibility of Grey Squirrel, or Auntie Monica. And I have great memories of singing Mr Brightside with her at the top of my lungs at Tolmers. But my strongest musical link to Liz is probably Hot and Cold, which must be sung in the most awful Scottish accent achievable.

Helen deserves something glorious. But Helen and Jordan together can only be one thing. And I am truly sorry to everyone who clicks on this link. Except Helen. I don't really care that Helen had to suffer that ;)
But Helen and Jordan separately are difficult to place. I think I'm going to have to go a bit hipster (you won't have heard of it) and say Lion's Heart for Helen, because of the strong independent woman bit, and the Gryffindor link. For Jordan, I think it has to be something cheesy, but also dreadful. Maybe this Ukranian Eurovision entry from a few years ago?

I think for Daniel there is only one choice. When he found out that I know Ein Lied Für Dich, he basically had a heart attack. Apparently Brits shouldn't know German music. Unless it's weird comedy songs about Käsebrot.

For James and Lewis there's not much else I can say about this tune. (Although, as the Yanks say, "Peterhooooouse".) A close second for Lewis was Man! I Feel Like a Woman. Not because he is effeminate, but because of an occurrence at the Wolfenbüttel Christmas Market.

Matt and I have never had a "couples song"; I don't even know if that's something people in the real world do. He suggested Rick Astley when I asked him, but I actually think The Proclaimers is a better fit, given Graham fitting our names into it at Phatpocket, various car rides and the infamous QSA hike. We didn't quite walk five hundred miles, but it certainly felt like it.

Declan was a tough decision. It had to be something from the musical The Producers, but the obvious choice seems a bit too obvious. The problem is, I really associate Springtime for Hitler with Emily (or maybe Helen), so maybe there is only one choice. He told me he didn't want it to be Poing.

There are, of course, lots of people missing from this list, including a whole load of people I always think of when I hear Dynamite, or The Final Countdown, or any other number of Owen's-related songs. And for some people it's really hard to pin it down to the most important song. Or even any song at all
 in some cases.

So whatever, that's it from me. again. I'll probably be in touch at some point, either by blog or in actual people. Thanks for reading again. Much love xx

The Explorer Expedition

So, I said I'd fill you in on what's going on in my massively busy and stressful life. As I'm not sure where I stand on the whole talking-about-things-at-work thing, based on the Official Secrets Act and MI5 and whatever, I think I'll start by pondering the Splorer Expedition.

It was AMAZING!!! We spent a lot of time walking and using buses and some time on the train. The idea was that we would plan and arrange everything ourselves; transport, route, time-keeping and accounting and set up a Geocache route around the Cinque Ports at the same time. (By the way Jack, have you sorted that yet?)

(Can't remember if I've said this on here before but for those of you who haven't heard of Geocaching, it's a worldwide treasure hunt set up using GPS systems to find little caches, or boxes, which have notebooks in to allow people to sign to say they've been there. Some of the caches also have little presents or toys in them, but the rule is "if you take something, leave something of equal value." If you'd like more info on Geocaching, you can check out www.geocaching.com - the official website for this stuff.)

Anyhoo, where was I?... Oh yes, the Expedition. Well there was a lot of walking, which we actually quite enjoyed (except MatT) and also a fair amount of being filmed and pretending to be intelligent by saying big words. And half of us were French for a bit. But that can wait until after the first official showing at the AGM in a couple of weeks.

Another integral part of the Expedition was using the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch light railway. It's a small railway, unsurprisingly, which runs through from Dungeness to Hythe and back. We all managed to squeeze into a tiny carriage with all our massive kits. Then we sang "the wheels on the train go round and round", followed by "the wheels on the Pip go up and down" (don't ask, just don't.) The journey from Dymchurch to Hate, the bit we did, was through some lovely countryside and went past some interesting sheep. However, the best part of the journey for me was definitely being told to "stop the church music" by MatT and having to explain to him that it was actually ABBA...

Of course, other stuff did happen; Pip tried to kill us all in a huge explosion, Jess's legs became hugely stripy like... Well, like a very stripy thing and, between them, Greg and Rachel managed to drag us up a hill, through some bushes and into a barbed wire fence. We also made friends with some nice people in McDonalds and watched as Greg, Rachel and James tried to freeze themselves to death by paddling. However, I really don't have space to write about all these things here.

As you can see, it was a really great couple of days and we are going back to Dymchurch for the Beach Weekend in September because we loved the area so much.

An Eclectic Selection

Hello dear readers, I'm terribly sorry that my updates have not been forthcoming. I blame a combination of work, holiday, hiking and forgetting. I will briefly outline what I've done and what I plan to update the blog saying in this post because I've pondered so much recently. After this post, I'd like you to pretend that the things I'm talking about have just happened, rather than having happened between a week and three weeks ago.

So, in the last few weeks I've got a job with an online book selling company called PhatPocket (yeah, I know.) This has led me to meet many interesting people, find many... err... interesting books (including "Walls and Fences"), getting my first payslip and working in a warehouse full of frogs (all will be revealed, worry not!!!) Working in a real "office" environment, i.e. somewhere that isn't someone else's front room, has shown me both the joys and pains of the work force; half-hour lunch breaks are both a blessing and a joy. It's also a very strange combination of strenuous exercise and sitting in one place for hours on end; moving books around and then sitting scanning them for ages means that I've not really become accustomed to solid desk work.

On top of that, there was the Explorer Expedition which was, ooooh, about two weeks ago now. We started in Hastings and hiked/got buses/used the RHDR to get to Sandwich four days later. It was an excellent trip all around and highlights include Jess's stripy legs, Jack trying to kill dune bugs and ending up killing Greg in the process, Greg getting us lost and Rachel trying to make us climb through barbed wire, trying to explain the pelvis to James, and Phoebe. Just Phoebe. As before, more details to come.

Since then James, Rachel, Louise, Craig, Josh, Adam and Adele helped at the Holiday Club (run by all the church regulars and the Reverend Sandra) at the church for several days but, since I was working, I couldn't go with them. However, I was able to go to the Bring and Share lunch, although they didn't actually let me bring anything to share. It was a highly enjoyable lunch though and I'm glad I went and saw everyone and had a nice chat to my lovely church friends.

Following this was the family holiday to Yorkshire for eight days. Yorkshire is a beautiful place and if you've never been there then I highly recommend it for a holiday or longer. For me, Yorkshire is the perfect balance between country and seaside, the two best elements of Britain, with enough town aspects for someone like me (someone who isn't a massive fan of the metropolitan scene) not to get bored too quickly. Plus, their accents are beautiful. For the first two nights of our holiday we were staying at Wood House Farm in Westow near York ( http://www.wood-house-farm.co.uk/ .) From Monday night onwards we were staying at Station House, Cloughton - somewhere between Whitby and Scarborough - ( http://cloughtonstation.co.uk/ ,) which is also a tearoom. Both of these places do deserve proper write-ups, but I will do these another time.

Finally this evening, whilst waiting for a rerun of New Tricks to start on the cable channel Alibi, I stumbled across half a documentary (well, a documentary which was halfway through when I found it) about Meat Loaf. The singer, not the food - how sad do you think I am? More specifically, it was a documentary about "Bat Out Of Hell", possibly one of the best albums of all time. If you haven't heard it before, I implore you: please, please, PLEASE do yourself a favour and listen to it. It really is amazingly good.

Please, Let Me Explain...!

Ok, so many of you have seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJuuqxWwcNE  and it may have raised some questions in your heads. You may be pondering "Why on Earth would Emma subject herself to this level of humiliation?", "If she doesn't like the video, why has she put in on Facebook, YouTube and now her blog?" and some of you may even be thinking "How could she do this to me?"

Allow me to tell you what I was thinking.

The recording, as you can see, is from my twelfth Birthday party in 2007. It was a really fun day and the recording of the song itself is actually, in my obviously unbiased opinion, rather good. The video, however, is super-embarrassing, although it was quite fun to make at the time. The problem with Facebook is that I couldn't uplaod the audio recording without the video because of the formatting and the fact that I don't have/want Soundcloud.

The reason for putting the clip up in the first place should be fairly self-explanatory. Friday (19th July) was my last ever day at school and everyone else in the video is in a similar position; having just finished, or being about to finish, forever. Therefore, considering that the song is "School's Out", it seemed only logical that we should relive this amazing moment.

And anyway, it seems to have gained a highly positive (if sarcastic/ironic) response. Please don't kill me. Sorry again, but it was fun...

Top Twenty Things 2012 Has Taught Me

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
For me, 2012 was a year of many lessons, mostly (it felt) Chemistry, although I'm sure this is untrue. So here is my list of the Top Twenty Lessons I learnt in 2012, with the rude ones replaced by slightly less rude ones.

1.       ‘Yes’ means ‘no’ 
2.       Becky wants some 
3.       Friedel-Krafts reactions
4.       Get your baps out...
5.       Mayans do not understand the apocalypse
6.       The first rule of secrets is best friends don’t count
7.       I definitely do not like beer. Even if teachers tell you to drink it or go to bed
8.       It’s not a dance if it just looks like you’re trying to reach the bisquits
9.       Benzene
10.      Sunshine is a sexy hair colour
11.      Cigarettes taste of death (not from experience of either)
12.      Rice pudding cannot be substituted for the coconut cream in a Pina Colada 
13.      Pink shows Pip’s feminine side
14.      Nobody, not even Peter Hurrell, looks good in a mankini
15.      Schwaz has been added to Leila's phone dictionary
16.      There is nothing sexier than a man who can play ‘Chicken Run’ on the kazoo
17.      The noise bits of cow make falling on a tent
18.      It takes four trombonists to screw in a light bulb. One to hold the bulb and the others to drink until the room spins.
19.      Ice does not help the uncoordinated
20.      Pip’s Hot Brother, Pip’s Hot Brother, Does whatever Pip won’t do...

I hope your 2013 is a lot better than your 2012, regardless of how good 2012 was for you :)

Good luck and all that.

Scout Group Family BBQ

Howdy folks! As a true Brit, I was hoping to open this blog post with a polite comment about the weather, but it's so changeable at the moment that whatever I write will be wrong. Plus, I'm not sure what I would write anyway, as it is both sunny and cold at the moment. Anyhoo. Today I am pondering the Group Family BBQ on Sunday; it should be fun, if the weather holds up (or at least, doesn't chuck down).

There are several reasons for me pondering this topic. The first is the number of people who appear to be going without their families. Whilst I understand that some people's families are embarrassing (mine more than most), that's no reason not to drag them along to a Scout event. And if you've got a big family, even better! There'll be more people to laugh at/with. It is a FAMILY event and thus you should at least ASK your family if they want to come! (If your brother is hot, you should make him come. Of course, I'm not thinking about anyone in particular... *cough* Pip *cough*)

Secondly, I'm hoping that Gabi and Markus, our German friends (from Germany, because they're just totally awesome like that) will still be in the country on Sunday (I can't remember when they go home) so as to part-take in our "fantastic" British Grillfest. Except that it will be nowhere near as good as a Grillfest, and we're probably more likely to call it a "sausagefest", which gives entirely the wrong idea.

Finally, the Bro Code. I'm not sure how many of my one reader actually know about the Bro Code, so I'll explain. TBC is based on a legen(wait for it)dary tome which is frequently cited in the American Sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" and is (by all accounts except his own) written by Barney Stintson, an infamous (fictional) playboy. I recently bought a copy of this book for myself and one for a friend for her Birthday, and we and the rest of the 'Splorers are planning to live by it for as long as we possibly can (we're all terrible at it, none of us can drive and we all get topless in front of each other sometimes, but only when camping). But we will be upholding this code at Sunday's festivities.

So, that's why I'm excited/pondering the Scout BBQ on Sunday. Not particularly interesting I know, but hey - you didn't have to read it :)

As always, you can follow me on Twitter at @EmPernilla for more random wafflings.
Much love xx

Rain

Hey guys, I don't know how many people are still reading this, it seems to have been a bit of a five-minute wonder. But, in true Scoutist fashion, I shall continue regardless. As the weather has been (as Peter Andre/Jason described it) "hormonal" recently, it has been raining patchily for the last several months. Some much for summer! And therefore my ponderances have been mostly water-based.

Rain may not be the first choice of weather for fishermen, campers, festival goers, lovers of shorts, naturists etc. however, I have come to believe that it is wonderfully good for the natural world (flora, not fauna - obviously it has affected the migration patterns and breeding seasons for loads of animals). I am convinced that this summer there is even more plant growth than normal; trees are greener, grass is higher and thicker (and less dead) and because of the rain, there is a lot less pollen around, which means that hay fever sufferers such as myself are free to explore and discover nature without exploding every three seconds.

Secondly, there's the Gemütlichkeit of it all. Sorry, but there really isn't a word in English that's suitable; if you type it into Google Translate, it'll come up as "cosy", but I think it's more than that. To me, Gemütlichkeit is more like that feeling you have when you're inside (probably snuggled up in bed, or by a fire with a blanket) and it's chucking it down with rain outside and you feel so snug, like you never want to move again. That's the wonderful thing about rain, you feel safe (as long as your not out in it). This still happens at camp, because the rain is really loud on the tent (as long as your tent doesn't leak, it's fine), but it's colder in the morning. And, as anyone who was at Gilwell24 last weekend will testify (Pencil Guy, Liz, Sammi, MatT, Josh, Ollie, Martha etc), the actual participating in activities, unless that activity is mud-sliding, becomes a lot less possible...
You just don't get the same feeling of snug-cosiness when it's boiling hot in the summer - lying on top of your duvet, failing to sleep and needing to get up for a drink every twenty minutes doesn't exactly give you that same experience...

And yes, there is an element of Schadenfreude in there [for those of you who've never come across the most fantastic word Schadenfreude, it's the concept of "pleasure from the pain of others", the Germans have a word for it :-)] - the idea of being cacooned inside, wrapped up with your big thick book and a cup of tea whilst the rest of the world is experiencing this torrential downpour on their heads, makes you feel quite good (unless you have a Tom and Jerry Christmas moment...)

Don't tell me you've not seen "Tom and Jerry; The Night Before Christmas"?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Right! Next post...

Cubs - An Advancement Of Ponderances

OK, I have thought about this long and hard (yes, I am aware how funny you find the words "long" and "hard" to be when put together. Grow up) about the whole Cub Leader thing and I think I might like to be a Cub leader actually. Think about it; you get super powers (see previous post about Cub Camp), and Cubs always do exactly what you ask them to (unlike Scouts, who are total beaches once they reach about twelve). Plus, you get to do all sorts of awesome crafts and nature walks and schtuff which, if you tried that with Scouts, they'd get bored. But you can still do awesome games and activities such as Wide Games, because they're old enough to understand and appreciate them.

My other plan is to help with Explorers, because (let's face it) Explorers are the reason for living; they're practically adults when they get to that age and they've (normally) got over the argumentative, rude streak (well, OK, no. But they've learnt to control it by that time). Plus, you can be so much more adventurous with their activities, such as Gilwell24 and random nights away, which is awesome. Plus, you can treat them like people and become almost like proper friends with them.

And by that time I'll be living with the rest of the current Splorers, minus Andrew probably - he's not overly liberal - and I'll need something fun to do with them. Somehow I highly doubt that I will ever get married in this hypothetical world; who'd want to live with me when I spend all my free time Scouting, apart from other Scoutists? Unless I marry another Scout/Cub/Splorer/Beaver Leader, which would solve a lot of problems, as I hope that, if I get married, I can have children and raise them in the Scouting religion (I'm pretty sure this is what happened in my family; my parents married and "what happened in the tent (i.e. me) stayed in the tent"). This is a lovely image.

Plus, you know, I don't have a career plan at the moment, so doing something like this will make me feel good. Volunteering makes everyone happy, right?

Cub Camp

So, as many of you may know, I have been helping at the District Cub Camp this weekend with a fantastic group of people. Therefore I have been pondering the joys of Cubs, camping and the general topic of Scoutists. So basically, I have decided that I really don't want to be a Cub Leader! I don't know how they do it! The first night, the majority of them were awake until two am chatting and generally being awesome, yet several of them were awake again at four thirty, yelling at the Cubs to shut up and go back to sleep (but more politely, obviously). How do they do it?!?!?! It's amazing. The second night was almost the same, we were up until at least quarter to two, and yet everyone was awake and functioning properly fairly early the next morning. I swear, Cub Leaders have super-human powers.

At this point it may be useful to introduce the leaders, although we didn't actually learn their real names until the last night, as the Cubs tended to call them all by names such as "Akela". We invented our own nicknames, some of which I shall explain. Firstly, there was (of course) Jean (the Cuffley Akela) and Maureen (Hathi). Then there was Rolf Harris, who I think was really called Dave, who appeared to be the Akela-In-Charge, and his sons Beer Guy (Baloo - also Grant) and Steve-the-Two (not sure of his Cub name, but he was really Ian). Finally there was BeardyWeirdy (Miles, we also heard him called "Teenage Mutant Ginger Turtle") and Pencil Guy (Rikki Tikki Tavi - definitely pronounced Tar-vi, not Tay-vi - who was also known as Paul). I shan't go into the whole double-alias thing as it begins to get confusing.

There was also Other Ian, Bagheera (whose real name we don't know), Juan, Julio, GuythatlookslikePip and various people who didn't get nicknames as they didn't do anything awesome enough to warrant one. Or spend enough time with us for us to get to know them.

Anyway, these guys were cool.

Finally, this weekend, I have decided that, in the highly unlikely case that I actually become a Cub Leader, I would like to be Baloo, as he is awesome. Also, I think I would suit Baloo more than, for example, Bagheera or Kaa, and Rikki Tikki Tavi is just really really long...

Alice

Today for no apparent reason, apart from the fact she told me to, I am pondering Alice. She's really cool. She has, err, hair and a face. You know, a face. It's that lumpy thing that sits on the front of your head, next to the hairy bit....

Anyway, Alice.

She has quite a nice face, like a sort of white Cleopatra, but not as manipulative or evil, or with a really big nose. And she's got a really nice smile :-) And, errrr... It was fun to have her at the Bond Night last year, when she didn't get thrown in a paddling pool by a huge ginger. Unlike some people *ahem* Emily...

Martha thinks that Alice is "fantastical and incredibly clever and it's not fair"

Eduin thinks that Alice is "imaginative, cheery... Jonny Depp!!?!?!!?"

Leila thinks that Alice is "hot, good at English"

Alice thinks that Alice is "the pengalengalengalengalengiest". Ed disagrees...

Wer've just spent the last ten-twenty minutes, at Alice's request, trying to work out who we wanted to play us in the movie of our life. The list is as follows:

• Ed: Matt Damon, as he looks like him (and he's the pengalengalengalengalengiest)
• Eduin: Alan Rickman, or Hugh Laurie when Alice said he couldn't be Alan Rickman (as he was mean in "Love Actually"). I think Alan Rickman would be a wonderful Eduin. Hehehe, Eduin.
• Martha doesn't think Alan Rickman is vegan. If we are going by this criteria, we will be here forever trying to find someone who is an actor, and vegan, and awesome/hot enough to play Eduin.
• Martha suggests Paul McCartney.
• He is not an actor.
• Or hot enough to play Eduin.
• Alice: Probably Emma Stone, I don't know why.
• Martha: Kiera Knightley, as she has been told she looks like her. I think perhaps Jim Parsons, or even Morgan Freeman, would be a better choice.
• Martha suggests Miss Piggy.
• Leila: Jonny Depp, no questions asked :)
• Sophia: Probably... Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood, for those who [like me] weren't sure of the actor's name)
• As for me, we are torn between Whoopi Goldberg and Lisa Kudrow. Obviously neither of them look like me, but that is perhaps for the better.
• At a later date I have returned to this and I now suggest Neil Patrick Harris, as we have so much in common...

N.B. I think Liz should be played by Helena Bonham Carter in the movie of my life...

Splorers: My Real Homies (Or Something)

'Allo Darleeengs. Today I am pondering the Splorers, who are perhaps my homies, besties, and the coolest people I know who I don't share the Common Room, or the lounge room at Church, with (Sorry guys, I have to put in that disclaimer).

Currently, our Explorer Scout Unit consists of:

• Andrew Wilhem Nigel Marshall
• Elizabeth Gillaaay Concertina Sartori
• Emily Rupertia Alfonz Young
• Me
• Jacktopher Arnold Maria Coleman
• Jessiqua Juan Wendy Kraushaar
• Joshua Irene Callum Roper
• MatThew Icecreamcone Raccoon Weller
• Oliver Nancy Margaret Brossi
• Philip Pippin Gorgeous Collis
• Phoebekins Noel Philanthropist Neal
• Rebecca Jayne (BJ) Tyrannosaurus (BT) Harvey
• Rossington Goatbreaker Toasteroven Staunton III
• Samantha Post Office Theodora Watts

And the Leaders consist of:

• Beardy McBeardson Bedwell
• Special Steve Bicyclist Motorcop Rowsell
• Pete von Petey Pete Pete Slugdance Cracknell
• Lovely Likeable Leedley Leeeeeee 
• Diane and Pam, The Logical errr, Man(?)

They are beautiful, and I very love them much. They should all be awarded with awards and shiz for recognition. And we recently got a reverse TARDIS. It says "Blue Box" on it and it's bigger on the outside. We're gonna put mirrors on the ceiling for Becky and Ross...

Odd Requests

Today I have been pondering odd requests, such as the one which was put to me on Thursday.

As a result of this, today several of my friends and I went to meet up with Ross and some of his friends (who we had never met) at the cinema in Enfield. This was both funny and awkward as Ross didn't bother to introduce us to his friends, so we named them Julio. All of them. Well, apart from one, who we named Juan. He was our favourite; there was also one (Julio) who looked like Michael Crout, which was really funny. So, after being asked to see a film  I wasn't particularly interested in seeing, but which was very good, with a bunch of people I didn't know, I didn't even get to know the people I didn't know. But Josh Roper came, and that was nice.

As part of today's outing, I have now purchased a bright turquoise wig and a pair of fetching rose-tinted spectacles. They are both amazing and look rather sexy whether worn together or separately. It really is better looking at the world through rose-tinted spectacles; everything looks very grey when you remove them. I'm currently considering whether or not I could get away with wearing them for exams, as a medical purpose (preventing depression or sleep). I'm also wondering whether the head would allow the wearing of a turquoise wig as part of the uniform; it doesn't say we can't wear wigs.

So yeah, that's all really, I like fun fun fun things.

By the way, I have Twitter. If you want to follow me, or tell me or anything, or just laugh at the two happy whales I have as my picture, then please do. It's probably #EmPernilla I'm not quite sure how this dooby works. I also don't use Twitter much, ever, so I don't even know why I am suggesting this, but it seems like the cool thing to do these days.

The Warped Minds of Children

Hello. These last few days I have been holding a competition of "Who can come up with the most inventive thing to do to a traitor?" with the Splorer girls (minus Sammi who doesn't know the person), therefore I have been pondering this. This is the list so far (Any personal details have been omitted, making them a little less funny, but I can't be seen to be offensive or bullying):

1. Pull out his insides and stuff him with love and rainbows, making a giant teddy (Phoebe)
2. Insert a Bible somewhere... private. (Emily)
3. Shove a Crout inside him (confusingly) (Emily)
4. Shave him. Then he'd completely malfunction. (Phoebe)
5. Stand him up then knock him down. (Phoebe)
6. Break him in half (Phoebe)
7. Drown him in a barrel of water and ferment him, then he'd be beer (Phoebe)
8. Roll him out, cut him out, flavour, bake in the oven at 210 degrees for 20 minutes, then he would be a Ginger Bread. (Phoebe)
9. Mush him up and put him in a bakery oven, then he'd be bread (Emily, somewhat uninventively)
10. Scrub him into your hair, then he'd be shampoo (Emily)
11. Crumble him over apple crumble. (Emily/Miranda)
12. Hollow him out and use him as a canoe (Liz)
13. Fill him with jelly (Liz)
14. Tap him with a wooden mallet (Becky)
15. Lock him in a room with me and Liz. Let's watch what happens (Jess, somewhat rudely)

As you can see, it is quite disturbing how strange my wonderful friends are. Add to this the fact that Maria said she liked rearranging faces (we knew she was a good serial killer) and it is quite horrifying how my friends think. I'd better start keeping a closer eye on them, in case they decide to leave me in a hole to die or something. It has been threatened on many an occasion...